AMSTERDAM
Dear Children, Dear Grandchildren,
The Christmas days passed fairly quickly. The Christmas dinner consisted of delicious Oxtail soup, a small piece of chicken with potatoes and peas followed by apple pudding. Fantastic! The day following we had soup, a slice of sausage with potatoes and sprouts and some stewed apricots. Also so welcome. And for this week we are getting a little butter with our bread. The Nuns did the best they could for us. Naturally, all that luxurious living is over and once again we are back to the old routine, and I saved a little gravy, which I warm up over my "tea candle" and put on my bread.
Yesterday the central heating was turned off for good. It is freezing. The temperature is 8 degrees C. The canals are frozen over. It is bitterly cold, and we are all wrapped up in overcoats. rugs and foot warmers, but that doesn't seem to help. I feel cold right down to my bone marrow, inside and out, and right into my soul. I have never known what it was like to be cold and hungry. So much the better. Most people here spend the whole day in bed and only get up for their meal. I shall keep going as long as I can. Yesterday, in spite of the icy pavements, I visited Tanta Anna, armed with my overshoes and my stick. It is equally miserable there. I could have cried my heart out when I saw her distressful circumstances. She also has no heating, and she has no food. All her food stocks have been used up. I shall let her have another 100 guilders to buy a mud (4 bushels) of potatoes for which they charge 140 guilders now. I never imagined we would ever have to experience such awful times. If I could be sure I shall see you all again one day then I shall and will bear all this. But that uncertainty, it weakens and drains away your strength. The world must be woefully sinful that God has inflicted such severe punishment on us. Each day one sees people losing their Faith. Is it the beginning of the end of the world? All that is happening now has been foretold.
Dear Mies and Toon, I wish you both (if you are still alive) a good New Year, and in every respect a Happy one with your family. Oh! there is so much I could wish for you both, but we will have to leave it at that. The last time I was with you was in 1938 together with Doertje. I wonder what England is looking like now.
Children, I am writing this with my heart broken, but even so I shall continue to pray without ceasing, that you may all be spared, and that one day we may all meet again.
The house priest here, with whom I play cards, is moving tomorrow to a parish where he will have heating and food, for which we cannot blame him, but we are reluctant to see him go, the only contact we had. We are losing something and we are getting nothing back.
Dear children, once again my very best wishes for the future, and that God will hear our prayers.
A big kiss for you all from
your loving, longing, and sad
Mother
