Letters from occupied Holland to my daughter in UK

044 5th May 1945

2007-09-24T23:45:00.001+01:00

Dear Mies and Toon

God has heard our prayers. At last, at last, at last, after nearly five whole years of cruel oppression, we have been liberated, and our country can again be itself. Yes we thank God for this. Every where there are notices saying "Freed from the yoke. Amsterdammers , on this happy day, May 5th, unfurl once again the red, white and blue flag".

May 7th
Today our rescuers are coming, and we are waiting impatiently to shout out our thanks to them, and to sing of Victory. Also because they are bringing food with them, which is so very welcome. Long live the three allied powers. Long live our Queen and our royal family. The Queen and Princess Juliana are already in the country, they are in Brabant and we are expecting them to arrive in Amsterdam next Friday. The whole week we will be celebrating, and when those hateful green uniformed German police have disappeared for good, only then will it really be over. Can you believe it? In spite of having longed so much and so long for the war to end, when it finally came, I found that for the first few minutes I could not rejoice. It took a while to penetrate, only when I saw the cheering people in the street and all those red, white and blue flags being waved about, did I realise it was true, and then I started to laugh and cry all at once.

And now all the stress has suddenly gone and all the worries. The institutions will be among the first to be provided with coal, and withing three weeks the electricity will be restored. Our prayers did not go unanswered, indeed it was a miracle that Amsterdam was spared in the end. Right up to the last day we did not know what might be hanging over our heads, because the most vile and most vulgar of all the German troops - the green uniformed police - were left behind to keep order.

On 5th May, the people scattered flowers around the various spors where men had been shot by the Germans, namely: The Appollo Laan, the Weteringschans, The Vijzelgracht etc. etc. etc. and left flags in memory of the atrocities that had occurred there. Eventually each place will have its own monument or memorial.

Dear children, I hope to hear from you very soon, and that at last we can start writing to each other in the normal way.

May 10th
Up until now I have feared that something might have happened to you. But suddenly a Canadian gentleman, a Major named Mr Hurle, came to bring me your greetings and good wishes. Now I can relax and start to be myself again, and after this comforting news, I shall bring this series of letters to an end, as from now on we can have direct contact.

Now children, until we meet, very soon I hope to be able to go to England and see you all again.

A big cuddle
from your Mother

043 2nd May 1945

2007-09-24T23:18:00.001+01:00

Dear Mies and Toon

Thank God. Yesterday, on Princess Juliana's birthday we heard the news. There were notices everywhere announcing the death of Hitler, and telling us that Himmler had sent a peace offering to the English and Americans. Hitler wouldn't have survived 48 hours after the capitulation. The people in the street are telling each other not to shout victory too soon, but to remain cool and calm, until we hear an official confirmation. Today, May 2nd, it was made known that Russia has accepted the peace offer. So we are now waiting for an announcement. We are already receiving parcels from England. What a relief. We are behaving like kids, so excited, it is hard to believe it is all true. The Germans are`already walking around the streets without their guns.

3rd May
This morning the news was different again. It now appears that Himmler is not Hitler's successor but that Admiral Doenitz is claiming he was the one appointed by Hitler just before he died. so who do we believe? In any case, even if they continue fighting in Germany, Holland will be liberated within the next few days. At the moment the sky is full of aircraft bringing food, and the people are standing in the street, on the balconies, at the windows, and on the roofs, waving their white handkerchiefs furiously. We shall all go crazy, and dance and sing with pleasure, when it is officially declared. Long live freedom!! We shall go to bed tonight with the feeling and the thought that perhaps tomorrow morning we shall see the Tommies marching along the street.

Mies, your bag is ready, and is sitting waiting for me to bring it to England.

This afternoon, I shall visit Joh and Wies Winkel, whi have been able to provide me with black market goods, amongst others, 400 Gms milk powder for 20 Guilders and a piece of toilet soap for 25 Guilders. I was able to exchange a pair of perfectly new shoes for a Kg of sugar. The sugar would have otherwise cost me 160 Guilders. Sugar is so necessary, it is an excellent food, especially when there is no meat, fat or butter to be had.

And now Mies and Toon, how are the children getting along? Is Tonny still nursing? Is Robert still at school? He must be quite a young man by now. How are Hans and Pegs and their families? I pray every day that you may all be spared, and that we may all meet again at least once more. What a lot we will have to tell each other once we can start corresponding again. That is why I have written all these letters, to let you know about the more important things that have been happening here. And what shall we arrange, will you come here first, or shall I come to you? Each year that passes adds another one to my age, and I won't be able to make the journey so often physically speaking. I want to see you all so much, and am so curious about the great grandchildren.

Now dear Mies and Toon, next time even more cheerful news, and so with God's help, we go step by step, and get a little nearer to seeing each other again.

With love and a big kiss for all
from your loving Mother

042 6th April 1945

2007-09-24T22:53:00.000+01:00

Dear Mies and Toon

Once again Toon, I wish you a Happy Birthday in writing, and I hope that you may live many more years to enjoy your family and all that you hold dear. My wish to see you all again has so far not been fulfilled. How much longer must I wait?

Things here are very precarious. If it lasts much longer, many people will die of hunger and deprivation. If you think about it 600 Gms of bread (3/4 of a loaf) per week, that is three thin slices per day, plus some watery porridge, means that each day we get weaker, and even that small amount of essential food is often stolen, People say that the Germans can no longer get away from here, and in the Honderhoeststraat they are saying that if the allies come, they will have to leave there homes within half an hour, because that is where the fighting will occur, just by and on the Museum Plein. Oh! Oh! What will happen next, and how many more people will be killed? Here n Amsterdam we will be the last to be freed.

We are hoping to get another small loaf each this week, from the Swedish Government. We are giving some of our meager rations to our fellow countrymen, some bread or anything else that can be spared. I never knew what it was to be hungry, but now everyone knows.

18 April 1945
A few days have passed since I started this letter. This morning I went to buy myself a lettuce, to get some vitamins into my system. I keep swaying from one side to the other, it is not dizziness, but I believe loss of balance. I have also started to take a tonic, which should help to strengthen me. It is often recommended by the doctors.

I have just heard that the Germans have blown up the afsluitdijk, which means they can no longer get away. They think no doubt that it will stop the English from coming in, but I am sure the English are clever enough to find another way. Seyssinkwart has fled the country, and took with him a whole convoy of stolen goods. The moment he realised the English were close on his heels, he ran away like a mad man, leaving behind all his treasures. The water level here has risen so high that it has overflowed the Wallinkant. The cellars along the canals are all flooded. we will probably have to remain indoors for the next few days.

The food coupons have been stopped, except for bread. And shops are now selling everything at black market prices, which are much more than one can afford. 1Kg of Chicory is 3.50, a cauliflower 1.60, and 1Kg sugar, when obtainable, is 150 Guilders etc. etc.

Now Mies and Toon until another time, and once again, all the best,
with love also for the children
from your loving Mother

041 19th March 1945

2007-09-24T22:30:00.000+01:00

Dear Children

Firstly, many happy returns Mies, I hope that next year, if I am still alive, I can give you my birthday wishes in person.

The longer the war continues, the more critical the situation becomes. It cannot go on like this much longer, people are dying daily from hunger, cold and misery. On March 13th I dreamed that the war had ended, and I was in England in a large hall full of people. I knew no one. The next minute someone entered, and it was Hans, dressed as a chimney sweep. He came up to me and said "Hello Grandma, how are you?" but he didn't shake my hand as he was all dirty. I said "Now I must quickly go and send a telegram to St Bernardus to tell them I have arrived safely". Then alas I woke up and found myself in Holland in my own bed. We are hearing from all sides that things are going very well, but there is no sign of it ending yet, and when will those devils, the Bosche, go away and leave us? Prayers are being said continuously. Today, the Feast of St Joseph, the whole of Amsterdam have been asked to pray that we may be liberated from the war and the hunger and disease it has brought with it. We have been asked to do the Stations the Cross, and take part in a silent procession through Amsterdam, during the next nine days, which I plan to do each of the days, in the hope that by Easter we will be freed of this heavy burden, the occupation. The need is so great, we have nothing left, except for the barest of absolute necessities. The stoves which were on during the last few weeks, are once again out, there is no more coal, no more wood, no hot water, no lights, no fat, meat or butter, only four slices of dry bread per day. Luckily this week we are each getting a small loaf, next week again a wonderful white Swedish loaf. The small loaf for this week is from the Red Cross. At night we go to bed hoping that the war will be over when we wake up in the morning. And it will happen one day. It just cannot last much longer. Oh no! I am not losing heart, God allowed this war to happen, he will also bring it to an end.

Bets came to see me last Sunday, and she brought me 200 Gms of oil which I mix in with my food. I was so thankful to receive. She still hopes to go to England again, given the opportunity. Who knows?

Now Mies dear, I wish you a good day, to-morrow I shall be going to communion for you.

A big birthday kiss
from your loving Mother

040 3 March 1945

2007-09-24T21:51:00.001+01:00

Dear Mies and Toon

I have been back here 2 weeks already, and there is more heating now than before I went away. The food has also improved, so our visit to the Governor was effective for which we are very thankful.

You may have heard that the Swedish Government has sent us flour and butter via the Swedish Red Cross. The baker used the flour to bake bread and every family received one large white loaf for nothing, yes one large white loaf as well as 185 gms butter, what a luxury to taste white bread again, it was a real treat. Some people here ate it almost in one go, and were quite ill after it. I was more economical, I first ate my usual ration, and then had just one extra delicious slice afterwards. They say we shall be sent more and also more from Portugal. We all feel so grateful. In the home here we do not suffer from real hunger, but because everything is without salt, fat or butter we have the feeling we have not eaten enough, and in no time at all one is ready for more. Added to which, there is no variety, sometimes we have the same things three days running. However it won't be long before all this is in the past, now that Turkey, Egypt and Syria have come into the war. Let's hope by Easter we will be free of this yoke that has been gnawing away at us for so long. Although the Germans are saying they would rather die than surrender, and if they are going to fight to the last man, then it could well last a long time. Every day boys and men are picked up, who haven't given themselves up. It is three years now since Ap's brother was taken, we have heard nothing since. He may not be alive.

Now that I am back home, I can feel myself getting better and stronger. I shall make sure that I am well when I eventually see you all again. I am keeping up my courage, and hope and trust that our prayers will be answered. It is bitterly cold and snowing. But things are gradually getting better, already the evenings are getting lighter. Although by half past eight, the whole house has retired to bed because by then it is dark. During the afternoons we sometimes play bridge, and in the mornings I am busy making a bag for you, which is now nearly finished. I think you will like it. Truus and Vic each sent me a birthday letter, they took ten to twelve day to get here. I am regularly in touch with Doortje and Bets. Bets very much wants to go to England, who knows what is round the corner.

And so - until March 20th Mies, perhaps by then there will be some good news, each day we hope for it. I hope you are all well. How are Tonny and Meisje, has Robert left school? When the war ends I can arrange for Tonny's trunk to be sent over. If only it were the case.

All the best, for the children and also for yourselves,
from your loving Mother

P.S. Ellen is still with Mies Raming in Venlo, who has lost almost everything. Dick has deteriorated considerably and doesn't look at all well according to Via.

039 February 21st 1945

2007-01-21T18:00:00.000Z

Dear Mies and Toon

After staying a month with Marianna's daughter, I am now back at St Bernardhus. I felt that I had to return, I was having a lot of back pain, and thought I must make sure that when the war is over and I go to Mies and Toon, I am in good health. It was as well that I did get back, because during those 4 weeks I lost 5 Kgms, I now weigh 55 Kgms, but I shall put it on again, now that I am in my own surroundings again. In any case, I was able to help the young mother for which she was very thankful. I told her that every now and again I will go and spend a day with her, and give her a helping hand with the baby when she has to go out. In every other respect I am very well. I hope you all are too. And once again yet another "war" birthday has come and gone. On the actual day you were never out of my thoughts, It was my 73rd. But I can still do everything, walk well and often. I eat well, at least as long as there is something to eat. Marianne Bos brought me some pancakes for my birthday, with syrup made from sugar beet. Someone else gave me some ginger bread. I was so pleased with them. Flowers are quite unaffordable at the moment. I am having a coat made from material which I had for ages, lining also. I have to pay 100 Guilders. I decided to go ahead with it, but it is a lot of money don't you think?

Last week I was out walking and bumped into someone I knew who asked if I would like to go round and have a cup of tea. I accepted gladly. Imagine, I got a cup of real tea, in fact three cups, and a rusk with real butter and "muisjes". Then I bought three packets of candles from them for 18 Guilders! They will probably be able to get me a pound of farm butter for 70 Guilders and full fat butter for 95 Guilders. All one's money goes on food, but better that than the doctor.

Mrs Meerkatten had evacuated from Soest to Apeldoorn, but her husband died in January - her second husband - and she now lives in Amsterdam. And so old friends are neighbours again.

Tanta Anna is getting very poorly, even childish. she won't let anyone help her, she says "You all want to do away with me, I will and am going to stay in my own house". It is sad. After years of slaving and working hard, I had hoped she would have a few happy years, but for people like her the situation is pretty hopeless.

Now children, once again, I have told you this and that, we have heating now on three floors, a stove in the men's sitting room, a stove in the ladies sitting room where I am sitting and writing, and one in the Nun's room. So we have somewhere to go now to be warm. This week we each had a half a duck egg. I had one once before, it tastes very good, also the sardines you sent me last year were delicious, especially the oil in them, fat is so necessary for us at the moment. I am eating the last of them today.

bye bye,

A big kiss from your
loving Mother.

038 February 4th 1944

2006-12-30T00:32:00.000Z

NIENEVE KEIZERSGRACHT 52

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

As you can see from the above address, I have moved temporarily owing to the cold and lack of food, to a married daughter of Mariane Bos, who has an eight month old baby. Her husband was picked up by the Germans and sent to Germany, but by all reports he was able to escape and is now in safe hands with the underground movement. She doesn't know where. Because she has to be out a lot, getting food from the central kitchen, getting food coupons and running after the milkman, the baker and the greengrocer, she has to leave the baby alone in the house a lot, so she asked if I would come and look after it. I agreed eagerly. Here I can be a little warmer, and the food situation is a bit better. During the last few months the ovens were out of action at St Bernardus, and we were getting less and less food. We were constantly hungry. Although it is certainly not luxurious here, I am able to contribute, and also from 12 mid-day to 6 in the evening we have some heating. Then we go to bed with a hot water bottle, and sleep the clock round. When you are asleep you don't need to eat. Whether we like it or not, we have to fetch our food each day from the central kitchen. Mostly we don't even know what we are eating, but food is food. To-day we had tulip bulb soup, completely tasteless and horribly thick. We pep it up a bit with some mustard, salt and a bouillon block, and then, Oh what a feast boys! But all that is nothing. If only we know how much longer we have to wait for the war to end.

There has been a slight improvement at St Bernardus. They now have three large stoves. It was my suggestion. Together with six others from the home, we went to complain to the Governers about the excessive cold and shortage of food. It seemed to help a little, but they should have seen to it earlier as it is impossibly expensive now.

Some of the Nuns have been able to buy food secretly from the farmers, the head of the home, the Rector, was also able to buy a few things from them. He even managed somehow to have them delivered; there are no facilities for delivering anymore. Boys! it is going well. A Russian division has entered Belgium, and they are not letting the grass grow under their feet. Who knows how long now?

Since January 1st, twenty five people have died at St Bernardus, due to the cold and lack of nourishing food. If Ria v.d. Rijl can get other help, then I shall return to St Bernardus. I have been here a fortnight already.

Now Mies and Toon, have courage and keep Faith. God's help is near at hand. All the best, also for the children.

With a big kiss

from your loving Mother

037 December 29th 1944

2006-12-29T23:43:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Children, Dear Grandchildren,

The Christmas days passed fairly quickly. The Christmas dinner consisted of delicious Oxtail soup, a small piece of chicken with potatoes and peas followed by apple pudding. Fantastic! The day following we had soup, a slice of sausage with potatoes and sprouts and some stewed apricots. Also so welcome. And for this week we are getting a little butter with our bread. The Nuns did the best they could for us. Naturally, all that luxurious living is over and once again we are back to the old routine, and I saved a little gravy, which I warm up over my "tea candle" and put on my bread.

Yesterday the central heating was turned off for good. It is freezing. The temperature is 8 degrees C. The canals are frozen over. It is bitterly cold, and we are all wrapped up in overcoats. rugs and foot warmers, but that doesn't seem to help. I feel cold right down to my bone marrow, inside and out, and right into my soul. I have never known what it was like to be cold and hungry. So much the better. Most people here spend the whole day in bed and only get up for their meal. I shall keep going as long as I can. Yesterday, in spite of the icy pavements, I visited Tanta Anna, armed with my overshoes and my stick. It is equally miserable there. I could have cried my heart out when I saw her distressful circumstances. She also has no heating, and she has no food. All her food stocks have been used up. I shall let her have another 100 guilders to buy a mud (4 bushels) of potatoes for which they charge 140 guilders now. I never imagined we would ever have to experience such awful times. If I could be sure I shall see you all again one day then I shall and will bear all this. But that uncertainty, it weakens and drains away your strength. The world must be woefully sinful that God has inflicted such severe punishment on us. Each day one sees people losing their Faith. Is it the beginning of the end of the world? All that is happening now has been foretold.

Dear Mies and Toon, I wish you both (if you are still alive) a good New Year, and in every respect a Happy one with your family. Oh! there is so much I could wish for you both, but we will have to leave it at that. The last time I was with you was in 1938 together with Doertje. I wonder what England is looking like now.

Children, I am writing this with my heart broken, but even so I shall continue to pray without ceasing, that you may all be spared, and that one day we may all meet again.

The house priest here, with whom I play cards, is moving tomorrow to a parish where he will have heating and food, for which we cannot blame him, but we are reluctant to see him go, the only contact we had. We are losing something and we are getting nothing back.

Dear children, once again my very best wishes for the future, and that God will hear our prayers.

A big kiss for you all from

your loving, longing, and sad

Mother

036 December 25th 1944

2006-12-29T20:50:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Miis and Toon

Yes, it is Christmas Day. Yet another year has gone for the umpteenth time. For the last three years at least, I had hoped again and again, that I would be able to spend Christmas with you, but Alas, once again it is not possible and each year I am that much older and less able to make the journey on my own. So once again I must start directing my thoughts and hopes towards next year.

You must be aware that things do not look so Rosy, now that the Germans have again marched into Belgium, and thereby surely pushed back the day when the war will end. Not that I am giving up hope. Oh No! A thousand times No, but it is all lasting so long. People are becoming restless, there is no more food, no coal, no electricity, most businesses have shut down. Last Saturday we could have bread, but we won't get any more until next Wednesday, and from then on, only three times a week instead of daily.

Families are being torn apart. One particularly well known and respected family, arrived home last week after attending church and were surprised to see a vehicle standing outside their house. They have three sons and two in hiding, thus five boys. I don't know what the Germans asked them, but the man had hardly begun to reply when the stinking Bosch shot him straight through the mouth. His brains were literally shattered to pieces. His wife had to watch it all and could say nothing otherwise she would have gone the same way. Are they not beasts? The daughter of a well respected family in Utrecht had gone on her bicycle to do some shopping, she was stopped by two German soldiers who wanted her bike. They told her she could collect it from a certain address after two hours. That was three weeks ago and the daughter hasn't been seen since.

On January 1st. all men born in 1905 are to be called up. Isn't it wicked that you have to fight alongside your enemy, yes, and otherwise you will be shot.

We went to midnight mass, and on returning to our room we found a delicious cup of real, truly real, tea waiting for us, plus a biscuit. What a world it is at the moment! And then we could have a rest. The substitute foods get worse and worse, and in the end you can't eat them. We will be having a hot meal at midday. I don't know if we will be getting something special - we must wait and see - the simplest piece of meat with some gravy would be Oh so welcome.

Children, I wish you all a good Christmas - as good as it can be for you at the moment - with your children and grand-children all around you. I just must not think about it, it upsets me too much. I pray a lot for you that you may be spared.

Whereas normally we have to make do with candles, as a special treat for Christmas, we had the lights on - a great surprise, and everything looked so nice and bright.

Now I must go and make a few visits in the home.

035 December 11th 1944

2006-12-29T20:14:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Miis and Toon

continuing from my letter of December 3rd, this week we are only getting 600 gms of bread, that is one and a quarter small loaves, and we have to make do with that for the whole week. The following weeks we will get 1000 gms, that is one large loaf and a quarter of a small loaf. It will be like this as long as the stocks last, that is two slices per day. I am keeping my sauce or juice, whichever you like to call it, to smear on my bread. I have bought some Taai-Taai (Ginger bread) to make up, one can at least eat that without fat. But things are very expensive. A Kl of rennet costs 5 guilders, and is going up. 1lb of butter costs 52 guilders, if you can get it. Sugar is unobtainable and for weeks already, we have been using artificial sweeteners. There is no milk at all, and again for weeks we have been drinking tea and coffee without milk. If it continues like this then there will be a lot of people who will not live to see the Spring. You can see hunger in peoples faces. The bread vans have to be accompanied by Police to prevent plundering. In the Hague it has already come to that, and the people who took to plundering were immediately shot dead and left lying in the bread shop window for all to see as an example for others. Is it not terrible? The people are being treated worse than animals. And when will the liberators come? There are not many signs of them as yet. If we didn't have our Faith, we would all have given up long ago. But No! We keep our heads high and trust in God completely. And so we are given the courage to keep going. One day the sun will shine again.

This morning we heard a very strange signal, and we are all wondering what it was for, perhaps another round up of the young men, may be we will hear later what it was about, may be we won't.

If I am fortunate enough to be allowed to go to England again. then I have a long list of all the things I would like to buy. All my underwear is completely worn through, I have never worn clothes and stockings that have been mended so much. However all that can wait, at the moment all we want is to be liberated.

Mies, those sardines you sent me were absolutely delicious, I still have one tin left, I have been very economical with them. For St Nicholaas. we also received a tin of sardines here, for which we were all so thankful. Everything and anything is welcome at the moment, even a piece of dry bread. Who would ever have imagined that our country, always so rich in food production, could ever become so short of food. Our food is sent to Germany, apart from what is kept behind to feed the German soldiers here. Whereas our people are suffering from hunger, they walk around with thick fat necks, and almost bursting out of their clothes. If they weren't fed well, they wouldn't want to fight any more.

Mies and Toon, we will speak to each other at a later date, God willing, about the horrible inhuman treatment of man by man. I hope you are all still alive, and have not been killed by the V1's or V2's. I pray for and think of you all, daily.

With best wishes and love, and also for the children,

You loving Mother

034 December 3rd 1944

2006-12-29T19:41:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Miss and Toon

Firstly, many congratulations on Robert's birthday. How old is he now? 15 or 16? I am so curious to know how he is getting on, I always thought he was such a nice boy. He will surely still remember me? I have not forgotten how he cried when Toon came to fetch him and Miesje from Bilthoven because of the war. He cried real tears, just as I did. Yes, next time I see the children they will all be grown up, that is if I ever see them again.

The rounding up of menfolk still continues. In Rotterdam there was relatively little trouble. In the Hague it did not go so well. How it will go here I don't know. Most will go underground, and those who give themselves up, will probably escape later. The trains from Rotterdam could not go further than Haarlem owing to the rails having been damaged. The men were packed into goods waggons like herrings in a tin. After several hours of standing like that, the citizens of Haarlem arrived with all sorts of food and provisions for them. During the night they were shunted into sheds until the rails were repaired. They were treated like cattle.

Last Sunday, November 26th, the English dropped bombs on the buildings housing the Gestapo in Euterpestraat. They were originally two splendid schools, which to build alone cost 30,000 guilders each. There was a General there at the time, discussing the recent "round ups". I think he was injured. Mrs v.d. Wielen lives on the corner of Euterpes and Beethovenstraat, very near the schools, and she was alone in her house with her grand daughter when the bombs fell. Fortunately when her daughter arrived she had the front door keys and was able to let herself in. She found her mother and child clinging to each other in the bathroom. All the windows were blown in, in the front part of the house, and her daughter had them all boarded up as quickly as possible. Her mother refuses to leave the house, and remains in the back room. She is afraid all her possessions will be stolen if she leaves. Ap's mother and Aunt also live in the Beethovenstraat, and their house was blown in at the back. Fortunately Ap happened to be with them at the time, and he was able to get his Aunt, who's an invalid, downstairs. Later the house keeper took her in an invalid chair to Ap's house. I don't know how they would have managed if Ap had not been there. They were all boarded up, and the Aunt having returned, they now live in the front of the house. Luckily those people who were affected by the bombing have had their electricity restored. And thus one continues to live from day to day.

We cannot get butter anymore; there is only a home made mixture available which consists of oil, vegetable fat, and flour, if you don't like it, then you eat your bread dry. In the early days we got 2200 gms bread per week.

NB this letter is continued in letter 035.

033 November 15th 1944

2006-12-29T19:00:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Miis and Toon,

Hurray! The lights are on again after a month of having to make do with candles. As there were no candles left in the store, the message was "use sparingly". In the Chapel we have been saying the Rosary instead of prayers, as it was too dark to read the prayer book. The evenings and mornings were the worst as we had to undress and dress in the dark. We couldn't even see what we were eating at supper time, or what was on our plates. We prayed for the electricity to come on again, because our bells were also out of action, and no one could ring for a sister in case of a fall or illness. Then, unexpectedly, someone came to inspect the wiring, because, he said, he was going to restore the lights. We couldn't believe him, but it turned out to be true. We wanted to laugh and cry, we were so pleased and happy. I took the opportunity to sit down and start writing to you again immediately. We each have one lamp which we have to use very sparingly, but it is certainly an improvement on the candle. My eyes have not been so good the last few weeks, but I should be able to see much better.

Next week we have to eat our bread dry, as butter and fat are not to be had anymore. We are also having the bread ration reduced again, originally it was 800 gms per day, it is now 1400 gms per week; for people who have a good appetite this is obviously not enough. For weeks now we have had no meat. The meals from the central kitchen are not sufficient either:- 500 mls per person. Black market potatoes can be brought for 100 - 120 guilders per mud (= 4 bushels). I had a few buttons moved on my fur coat, some tape put in the belt, and some cord loops made so I can do the buttons up, and for that I had to pay 15 guilders. You cannot buy a hat for less than 75 guilders. Once a fortnight I visit Tante Anna, and I take my sandwiches with me. We have to do without tea or coffee as there is no gas or electricity with which to boil the kettle. Also we cannot have the stove on as there is no coal.

A doctor I know is going to get married in a few days time, he was married in the Registry Office 7 months ago otherwise he would not have been eligible for living accommodation, and because he went "underground", he was not able to marry in the church until now. They bought a 2nd hand stove, but had to fetch it themselves, as these days there is no one to do these things, he had the stove on his bicycle and she carried the piping under arm. They also bought those potatoes at 100 guilders per mud with which to start their honeymoon (wittebroods weken) as there is no white bread to be had, only brown!

Bye Bye Mies and Toon

until next time

Your loving Mother

032 November 9th 1044

2006-12-21T22:46:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Each day, there is less and less to be had. Famine is at the door. Yesterday and today there was not enough bread to go round, so the Sisters and the 3rd class residents had to make do with porridge from the Central Kitchen, and again for their mid-day meal. It is still available for those in 1st class, but only so long as the stocks last. Yesterday we had thin soup with capucijner beans, which were not cooked sufficiently owing to the shortage of fuel. The Island of Texel has taken pity on Amsterdam and sent a barge full of provisions: 10 whole sheep carcasses, many Kilolitres of potatoes, frozen vegetables, and flour and oats, for which Amsterdammers are tremendously grateful.

Marie Bos came to see me yesterday and brought me 2 Kl Apples, and 1Kl of what is called Blokmilk, which consists of skimmed milk plus 48% sugar, in solid form. Is is rather tough and doesn't have much taste, but it fills you up leaving you with the feeling that you have eaten. For the latter I had to pay 17 Guilders, and the 2Kl apples together with the 1Kl Blokmilk, cost altogether 21 Guilders. I was very glad to get it, and every now and again I have a piece with my tea or coffee substitutes.

All the electricity has been cut off, so every evening from 5pm until we go to bed, we have to sit in candle light. However we are not allowing our spirits to fall, and each evening I go downstairs with my candle for a game of bridge with Mrs Harm, Father Meeuwen and Miss van der Sand. We play until 10pm, each with his own candle. If the candles run out, well then we will have to go to bed around 7-30 pm. We comfort ourselves with the belief that all these miseries must come to and end sometime. Since October, special prayers for peace have been, and are being said daily throughout the whole of Holland, and this will continue until peace is restored. This week many Amsterdammers took part in a Silent Procession through the city. May be you heard about it (known as the Miracle Feast), and that as a result of it Amsterdam will be spared. It was very moving to see all those people praying silently as they walked through the street. They were in groups of 2's and 3's, men and women. The procession started as the Begijnhof and continued along the Kalverstraat, The Dam, Nieuwendijk, Martelaarsgracht, Warmoesstraat, nieuwbrugsteeg, Rokin, Rosmarijnsteeg, Rokin by the Oude Zijds Chapel (where the miracles happened), The Wijdekapelsteeg, Kalverstraat again, and so back to the church in the Begijnhof. No-one was allowed to speak as all until the procession was over. I also took part with Mrs Harm.

Bye Bye, Mies and Toon, loving greetings

from your loving

Mother

031 October 28th 1944

2006-12-21T22:19:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

What a World! What a World! Will the misery never come to an end? Since October 15th we have had no lights, and have had to sit in candle light, which is awful for a home like this, with 300 inhabitants and nuns; particularly as it is already dark now by 5.30 pm. Fortunately I made a point of getting myself stocked up with candles at the beginning of the war, but if we have to burn them every evening, and we have no wish to go to bed at 6.30 pm, then they can very quickly get used up. In spite of all this, we still manage to have a game of cards in the evenings, each with his own candle, but once the game is over, there is not much else one can do than go to bed. At least one can be warm there, because we have no heating at all. I wear three layers if clothing, on top of that, a warm woolen dress, a cardigan, and then a fur collar round my neck which has been so useful; Do you remember the Mole fur? As well as that I wear warm slippers. Any coal there is, has to be kept for cooking. Up until now we have been having hot water on Fridays only, this enables us to bath and to do our washing. No-one takes in washing any more. And so we sit all miserable in the dark.

A lot of houses have been burned down, this is because many Germans have been murdered. Then they retaliate by collecting a number of men, and shooting them, and by blowing up houses with hand grenades. I never thought our country would have to suffer so much.

The great majority of people get their food from the central kitchen. They receive 1/2 litre per person per day. The first day it is Potato soup, the second day Beetroot puree, the third day cabbage and potatoes mashed together, the fourth day porridge, the first day Potato soup, etc., etc. No-one can get a meal for himself, so those who have nothing else, go hungry; people are saying the men should go to Drente to dig up potatoes, but if they do that, they will be sent to Germany, and never be seen again.

Any business or firm that happened to have stock in hand, be it food or clothing, has had it all taken and plundered by the Germans. Any bicycles or cars - one still sees them in the street occasionally - are taken away and the unfortunate owners told the English will see they are compensated. As there are no trams running, people come into the city on anything they can find, they have even been seen on wheelbarrows and dustcarts. Some people get about by paying a high price for a lift on a barge.

People who have queued for 3 to 4 hours for their mid-day meal, can be sent home without anything; they are told they can have a double portion the following day. I hope we won't have to go and fetch our food, what a thing that would be, with so many people. It is to prevent this that we have no heating here, our fuel is kept for the cooking. We must not complain about our food here - obviously we don't get meat or fat, but we do get enough. We can buy jam for 3 guilders, a jar of sugar hagelslag for 3.50 guilders, 2lbs of apples for a guilder, 1 lb butter for 40 guilders, 1 lb of meat for 16 guilders, cheese 8 guilders, a pack of 4, 32 guilders.

Bye Bye Mies and Toon
a kiss from your loving Mother

030 October 8th 1944

2006-12-16T01:14:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Very little news the last few days. Fighting has started up again in Arnhem. The Germans have sent their best officers to defend it. Last night, Oct 7th, at about 8.30 pm. we were suddenly plunged into darkness, there was no electricity. We had to manage as best we could with candles. You can imagine what a consternation this caused, in a home like ours, with 300 people, most of them very old, and failing in health, and many of them invalids. The electricity was restored by 11.30 pm. Today all was well, but tomorrow Oct 9th, we will be without it all day, and so in the evening we will have to retire with the birds at dusk. Last night we were in the middle of a game of bridge when the lights went out, but we were able to carry on playing with the candles until 10.30pm. We are not allowing ourselves to lose courage so easily. To-morrow there will be no trams running, so people will have to do their journeys on foot.

The warehouses belonging to Simon de Wit and Albert Hein (grocers), have been taken over and an embargo placed upon them. Our stores of flour have been seized and it is likely that in 14 days time there won't be any bread left either. Our bread ration has been reduced again. The gas is only on 2 1/2 hours per day, when all the cooking has to be done. Very soon there won't be any food, gas or electricity. There is also practically no salt available anymore. God help us, because our need is great. People say because this situation is so desperate, salvation is close at hand, but then it must come soon. If the Germans are crossed in anyway, then they take their revenge on the whole population by confiscating property and capital, and even executions. Yes, Mies and Toon, we are going through very bad times, but I have complete faith in God, and in the English and Americans. Everywhere people are praying out loud for help and assistance, and for relief from the dangers. People who have never prayed before are now praying out of fear of what might happen to them. I am not receiving my money anymore, and so cannot pay the rent here, but they will not turn me out; this home is built on LOVE. If I did not have my Faith, I would be quite desperate, fortunately I am not that, and am even able to help others to keep Faith. Yes, Mies, I learnt that from you. As soon as I hear more news I shall write to you. Luckily I am in good health, only my eyes are a bit troublesome. The Doctor says it is due to nerves.

October 15th

We have had no electricity at all since last Tuesday; everybody has a candle. It is dreadfully worrying to think that a home of this size is completely without light. An accident is inevitable. Last night at 10.30pm, one of the residents stood in the pitch dark at the top of a stone staircase calling out for assistance, she could have fallen from top to bottom and there will surely be some who will fall. We all sit around in our Winter coats because we have no heating and as there is no electricity we have our evening meal at 5pm now, when it is still just daylight. But after a week or so , we will have to eat by candle light (one candle), and then what - to bed (at least one can be warm there), you see there are not enough candles for us to be able to stay up the whole evening; especially as no-one knows how long all this will go on for. Each day I go out as often as I can to get warm, and then I keep my winter coat on, and stick my feet in my foot-warmer. We cannot send anything to be washed anymore; no-body takes washing in, as there is no soap to be had. To do it oneself is not possible either, as there is no hot water due to lack of coal. And thus the Dutch are sitting in suspense, wondering if they will be liberated from these thugs.

One large building (St Elizabeth, where Tante Jo was), was evacuated; all the patients and residents, as well as the Nuns, had to move out within three days to the Doelen Hotel. There is a rumour going around that Amsterdam is going to be flooded, that they are going to open the flood gates. where would we go then? Although we who live on the upper floors will be alright, it is the ground floor people who will be affected.

In Utrecht there were some young families who refused to obey German orders to dig trenches, so they were tied by their necks to a car, which was driven off. They were all killed. There were others who also refused, so about 20 men were picked up at random in the street, stood up against a wall and shot. For that, in Appeldoorn, they specially took priests, doctors and other professional people. We are a people "Crying to Heaven".

This week, all gas supplies will cease, and everyone without exception, must get their food from central kitchens. but all that is nothing, if only we could be rid of those vermin, for our Country we will always have something left to give. Even when we are liberated, our boys and men will still have to fight Germany and Japan.

How is it with your boys at the moment? Hans and Ronny? And Toon, won't he also be called up? You are never out of my thoughts, and daily I pray earnestly, that God will spare you from harm. we were used to going to Mass every day here , and receiving Holy Communion, but now, since a few weeks, we only receive half the Communion Host, and probably eventually it will have to be quartered. This is because those brutes have seized all our flour.

Do not think I spend all day complaining and moaning, not a bit of it, it is just that I want to tell you all that is happening here. Underground priests come here one after the other to say Mass for us in secret. We are not allowed to know who they are or where they have come from. Occasionally they stay overnight, and then secretly slip away, and disappear again.

Now dear Mies and Toon, yet another full page. all the best to you and to the children and grandchildren. A big kiss for everyone from

your loving mother.

029 September 11th 1944

2006-12-12T23:49:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Alas! Nothing happened on Sept.8th. They are not even in our country yet. There is heavy fighting going on in Belgium, in Luik, and other places. It is said that they have crossed the Albert canal. They have pushed forward into Germany in three different places; Thus, thank God, we can now talk in terms of it being all over in a few weeks, hopefully before the winter starts. In Amsterdam there is coal for only 8 days left; and from to-day we will have no more hot water as the electricity had been cut off. From to-morrow there will be no trams running between 10am and 4pm; no trams at all on Sundays, but that has been so for weeks already. We will also only be able to use gas at certain times. But I don't find all these things so terrible, if they mean that the war will soon be over, and we will have peace. For a few days we have heard no news from the secret English radio transmitter, but now they are back again and transmitting four times a day.

Sept 18th

Yesterday we were told that 11,000 parachutists came down in the Beture, also Utrecht and Maastricht have been liberated. The people in Maastricht sent a telegram to the Queen saying that theirs was the first town to be freed from the Germans, and could they also be the first to be visited by her.

The lifts are not operating here in the home anymore, due to the electricity cuts.

Last Saturday, a number of young fellows who happened to be on a tram or in the street, were once again picked up, and sent to Germany. Last week, a gentleman well known in Amsterdam, was found out in the street three minutes after eight o'clock, by which time we are all supposed to be indoors. He was picked up by two policemen and a soldier. They shouted abuse at him, hand-cuffed him, and took him to the Police station. The soldier withdrew, leaving the two policemen to guard the gentleman. But the two policemen (good ones), as soon as the door was locked, decided to make things as comfortable and pleasant as possible for everybody; they made coffee and tuned into the English radio station, and listened to the news. By 4am when the gentleman was told he could go home, he asked if he could stay longer as it was all so pleasant. He stayed until daylight. And so it happens that people help and warn each other daily. I will only remember and report "good" news. I have just heard that the entire railway is on strike; the railway men are refusing to take those boys who were picked up off the street last Saturday, to Germany, Isn't it marvelous?

The parachutists have dropped on Nijmegen and Mook, and in Nijmegen two large houses are on fire.

Sept 23rd

There has been heavy fighting in Arnhem. The dockyards and warehouses were being blown up, but as these were where the food was stored for the local inhabitants, they resisted strongly, and so there was heavy fighting.

The electricity supply has been cut by half, and we are not allowed to use any electrical equipment or lamps any more. The gas doesn't come on until 5pm, and so we don't get any tea or coffee anymore. The gas remains on until 7:30pm

People are saying the Allies are on their way from Amersfort. We are all afraid the Germans will blow up the the Central Station, the Nederlands Bank, and the main Post Office in Amsterdam, and how many people will go with them?

It was Oom Jans's birthday to-day, he had been dead 15 years already. Where does the time go to? Congratulations on Hans' birthday. When I come to England I will make up for it all. Who knows, perhaps the time is not so far off now.

The Germans have taken away all materials and records from the Archives in Antwerp. Also, in Antwerp, Prince Karl, King Leopold's brother, has been made prince Regent temporarily.

There have been parachute landings in the provinces of Utrecht, Gelderland around the Zuider Zee, and in South Holland between Dordrecht and the Moerdijk. Valkenwaard, Aalst, Eindoven, Gelderop and Hedel (in Tegel), Maastricht, Eysden and Simpelveld have all been liberated. The free Poles and Canadians are also in Holland. On Sept. 26th we were told that Arnhem is in Germans hands again, after six days and nights of fierce fighting, man against man, it must have been a most terrible spectacle to behold. Because of it we are all very down and depressed, but we must not lose courage. We must have faith in God, and in the English and Americans.

We are forever on the alert for news. I think of you all continuously, and especially of Hans and Ronny, - whether they are in the fighting. It always makes me terribly sad. I can only hope that it is not so.

Hees and Oss are once again in the hands of the Allies; the railway station in Hertogenbosh has been flattened, due to all the gunfire. In Apeldoorn there were so many wounded brought in that in four days the doctors performed 800 operations. That is 200 per day. Evacuees are flocking into Amsterdam, and yet we are already practically without food here. I bought 1b of cheese for 14 guildrs (approx £1.40). Sugar is equally dear. Meat is practically non existent; it is only available for those who are prepared to pay a large sum of money on the black market. bicycles are taken from our houses, and anyone refusing to hand over his bicycle when approached in the street, stands to be shot dead. Life is very insecure these days. The army, which is made up mainly of un-educated roff-raff, may give orders, and also shoot on the spot if they think fit. If three or more people are together, talking, then they can be shot at. May God deliver us!

Good bye Mies and Toon, and dear children, hoping we will be rescued soon, and that we can meet.

Your loving Mother.

028 September 7th 1944

2006-12-12T23:19:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

On Sept. 5th we were told that the Americans and English should be in our Country, namely Brabant. But because there are so many rumours going around, people are tending to anticipate things a little too hastily. The Allies are also supposed to have landed in the Hague, and yet this was again denied; as the bridge over the Moerdijk is impassable, they could not possibly have reached the Hague. We are now waiting full of expectation to see what will happen next. The telephones are not working, there is no post, and there are no papers anymore. R.V. Tonningen, Director of the Nederland Bank (an N.S.B.er i.e. NAZI), has gone. There were seven cars outside the entrance, guarded on either side by armed NAZIs, thus they were able to fill the cars with money, all stolen from us. The families of the NAZIs have had to leave and make their way to Westerborg, to the camp that all the Jews were first taken to; now that the Jews have all been hunted out, imprisoned and exterminated, there is room for them.

All the men are being sent to the front. That day we remember well, it was the same day as Tanta Anna's birthday. Joh, Bos has married a woman who is divorced and has four children, one of which, a son, was the leader of the Nederlandse Arbeidsfront - a group refusing to be sent to Germany-. On Sept. 5th he went underground, along with all the members of the group. As soon as the Germans realised what had happened, they sent four armed soldiers late one night to Joh. Bos's house to find out where his stepson was; because the stepson has a different surname from Joh. and the soldiers did not know all the facts about his marriage. Joh, swore black was blue that he had no children, and eventually the soldiers went away. To give you an example of their effrontery, Willy Schmitz's husband had a beautiful new bicycle, which he used every day to get to work (they lived in Heemstede), as the trams and trains were so unreliable. One day some German soldiers ordered him to get off his bicycle, they immediately jumped on it and rode away with it, leaving him standing. And so it goes on.

All the bathroom and lavatory fittings, the water and gas pipes and the electrical wiring have been stolen from my houses. This has happened to all those houses which have been standing empty since the compulsory evacuation a few years ago. However it will all be over by to-day or to-morrow. We are expecting it to-morrow, Friday Sept 8th at the very latest. Hurray! Then all the flags will be flying, and we will all go mad and do crazy things out of sheer joy. Flags are already being sold.

And now dear people, until the next time.

with a big kiss

from your living mother.

027 August 27th 1944

2006-12-09T21:33:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

You have not heard from me for a quite a little while, but now that things are progressing so well, I shall once again show signs of life.

Turkey, Roumania, and Bulgaria, are all in the hands of the allies; now that things are moving so fast, perhpas the war will be over before the winter. Obviously we will be occupied by the English and the Americans for a few weeks, to maintain law and order, after which it is said we will have a government consisting of about 40 people, young and bright, who will remain in power about one year, and then it will be decided whether we have a monarchy (the queen or Juliana) or a Republic.

What a tremedous vistory in France. And we heard that the German prisoners of war and the Dutch N.S.B. (Nazis) prisoners, were transported to England. The N.S.B. prisoners apparently appealed to our Queen for a pardon, but unsuccessfully. They were all shot. Bravo!

It is the same here as it is in Germany. All those aged 17 - 50 years have been called up, both men and women. They have to temporarily take over the posts of those who are at the war. Families are not allowed to work for themselves any more, or run family businesses under threat of severe punishment. Doctors and Priests, don't sleep in their own homes any more at night, for fear of being picked up; each night they seek a different roof. What a nerve wrecking experience. Even our own priest sleeps in a different room every night so that they will not find him.

But how are you all? I am still enjoying the sardines. I gave one of the tins to Tanta Anna, because it was such a big treat, and it helps keep up one's spirits. Every day I think of you, and wonder if we will ever see each other again. I have great faith, and after every meal each day, I pray "Dear Jesus, spare my children, their children and their families. Oh! Mary, through the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ, show us that mercy for which I beseech and pray so earnestly, " and I know my prayers will be heard.

September 4th

Early this morning someone came to tell me the great news that the end of the war is very near, according to a speech made by Eisenhower yesterday evening. The underground army has been told to hold itself in readiness for action. Prins Bernhardt apparently stands at its head. Also the people have been told to quietly refuse to do what the Germans want. Not to demonstrate, but simply not to co-operate.

Next Wednesday September 6th, the German women have to leave for Germany, the men must remain here, and go to the front. The German soldiers are also leaving, and they are taking everything they can with them, amongst others:- horses, cows, sheep, and also furniture, even sideboards etc. I am very curious as to what is going to happen next.

God hear our prayers.

Good by Mies and Toon, and dear children.

Love and Kisses

from your loving Mother.

026 July 7th 1944

2006-12-09T20:48:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

Thank you very much for the absolutely delicous sardines, which you sent via Lisbon. I heard on July 5th that there was a parcel for me from abroad. What a surprise! They are really delicous, and I am sure will do me a lot of good, because energy giving foods are no longer obtainable here. Milk and butter, I buy on the black market, milk at 1.90 gilders a bottle, butter at 35 gilders per pound. But being so expensive is still better than being unavailable.

I am writing with my gloves on because I have developed eczma as a result of touching a Primula plant (extremely poisonous). I have never had it so badly. The doctor has given me some white cream to rub on, and later to be washed off with some sweet oil. Luckily it is getting a little better. I must not touch any unaffected parts, otherwise it will spread, hence the gloves. It itches terribly and burns. It happened while visiting Mariaane Bos. I was staying the night there, after spending the evening at Annie's party. I noticed a few plants by the window, that had some dead leaves on them, not knowing there was a Primula among them, I pulled away the dead leaves, and that did it! Annie Bos was celebrating her 25th jubillee on July 1st, and we had a very pleasant evening - as pleasant as possible in the circumstances; and then I went to sleep at Mariaane's.

You do know that I took out a life annuity (and also one in your name Mies) for Marie Bos when she lost her job, she will get 10 gilders a month for life. It cost me 2,022 gilders! I also paid for some painting lessons for Mariaane's husband Roel v.d.Bijl because he is so talented. I helped Phientje when her husband was sent to Germany and she had no money; I gave her 125 gilders. And I used that opportunity to also give Annie 100 gilders. So I was to help them all a little. Annie also needed help because she has been away from work for 5 months with sciatica, for which she eventually had to have electrical treatment which cost her a large sum of money; on top of that she has to buy food on the black market. They were all very grateful. Mariaane's husband will then be able to earn a little extra money when it suits him in his own time. I did this because I had withdrawn money from my various savings accounts, and as it was not getting interest anymore, I didn't want it to evapourate by buying things rather recklessly. any money that is over I shall hand over to you all, as soon as I can get to you.

Now dear Mies and Toon, until the next time, once more again my thanks, it was a feast!

A big kiss for you all

from

your loving Mother.

025 June 12th 1944

2006-12-07T23:06:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

Yes, the invasion began on June 6th; is this the beginning of the end? But even so, how much longer? It looks as if Holland will not be included in the invasion, although one cannot be sure, things turn out so unpredictably sometimes. Massive defence barricades have been put up all along the coast, and large areas of land have been flooded, so that any attempt at landings would be extremely difficult. All our most fertile countryside under water. The cows have been moved, I think to Drente, so they are not able to feed on natural fodder. The artificial foods are very scarce, so there is as good as no butter, milk or meat available, for which we all long so much, especially a well-seasoned piece of meat; the very thought makes the mouth water.

Are you also having such bleak weather? The summer just won't come and in a little over a week it will be the longest day of the year again. And then the winter has to be faced, and there is already such misery, and coal is unobtainable. Oh God, please do help us in these stricken times, that we may be delivered from the claws of this terrible war. Everyday we pray with absolute faith that we wil be heard.

I have just read in The Telegraph of June 17th about the pilotless German aircraft (doodle bugs) over South England and according to the reconnaissance pilots (German) a thick veil of smoke now hangs over large areas of South East England, particularly South London, and it stretches unbroken from Kingston to Bromley. Also an impenetrable smoke cloud is suspended over Sevenoaks and Sutton areas. Oh children, if this is true, that it is that close to you, it frightened me so much, my heart missed a beat.

We have just completed three days penance this week; the whole world was asked to participate, that peace may be restored.

Owing to the fact that we only have German papers to read, and knowing how the Germans tend to boast about everything, and hearing the news only from their side, makes us feel so discouraged and despondent. They tell us one thing one day, and next day it is denied. And yet in spite of this, we still believe that things are going well for our side.

All private telephones have been cut off; only the large business firms connected with the war, have been allowed to retain them, and so we can no longer contact each other. It is becoming unbearable.

Since the news of the birth of Peggy's second son, I have heard nothing, although I have written myself a few times, and also via Switzerland. But Och! even if we do hear from each other, the news is already three months old, and so many things could have happened in between.

Now children, let us keep praying, trusting that our prayers will be heard. If I did not believe in anything, I would have lost courage long ago, and so I ask God to give me the strength to keep my faith.

Until we meet again then, I hope it won't be too long now.

With a big kiss for everyone, and especially for you Mies,

from your loving Mother.

024 June 4th 1944

2006-12-07T22:31:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

After Tonny's birthday to-day, the birthdays once again will be behind us; and so it goes on. We are still getting older. Thus Miesje was 22 on the 28th of May; Hans, born in 1916, will be 28, Tonny born in 1918 is now 26, Peggy born in 1920, is 24, and Robert, I think, was 16 last December. Now I do notice that I am old. I recall so well when you were 16 Mies, you were at the High school, remember? and I often used to come and meet you. Where has the time gone to? and even now, during the war it flies. Sometimes I think, that as a family, we really haven't had many celebrations, only when Hans came of age, and then I was present, and how? I remember that splendid dinner with music. Phil Adair and van Eedenburg were both still alive then. Things will be so changed when I next see you.

My first wedding, yes, that was very festive. But see how it turned out!!! If all had gone well, then we would have been married 53 years this year. We didn't celebrate our 12 1/2 year or our 25th year anniversary. And your wedding day , what was that like?? I couldn't be present at your 12 1/2 and 25th anniversary , and more recently, at Hans' and Peggy's weddings. It makes me sad sometimes, and gives me the feeling that I am very alone in the world. But if I will be lucky enough to see you all again just once more, then that will compensate and make up for all I have missed.

On July 1st, Anny Bos will have been 25 years with the bank. They will have a "do" in the evening and celebrate as best they can in the circumstances. She has been home for 5 months with sciatica, and although she has had treatment, nothing seems to relieve it. Next they are going to try radiotherapy in the hope that that will help. Marie is at home now, and helps her mother. She really had no option as Tanta Anna is not worth much these days. She has worked herself into the ground. Next September she will be 79, and I often wonder how she has managed to keep going without any help, which these days is impossible to get, money or no. Everyone works for the Germans, they have no choice, if they refuse , they are sent to Germany. When shall we be liberated from these barbarians? I think the war will soon be over, but it is taking so long. It has caused so much hardship and poverty, and the people have lost all their motivation. If God were to deliver us, our problems would still be with us, but at least the war would be over, and we would have to adjust to a new life, and set to work to rebuild all that has been destroyed, and that is by no means inconsiderable hoor!

Dear Mies and Toon, and children, until next time, and then perhaps we will be more cheerful. A big kiss for everyone, and let us hope we will see each other soon.

Your loving Mother.

023 March 20th 1944

2006-12-05T23:02:00.001Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

I am writing this on the evening of your birthday, to send you my very best wishes together with the hope that you will be able to celebrate it for many more years to come in health and happiness, and in the company of your children and grandchildren. Let us hope that next year I will also be able to be there, I would so love to be able to do that, even if it should turn out to be the last time for me. At the moment I am drinking your health with a glass of Rum, and I have been with you in my thoughts all day.

This morning I took Communion and had a Mass said for the well being of you all. How wonderful it must have been for you to be able to celebrate surrounded by all those you hold dear. I hope you will all be spared for the rest of the war, and that we will be able to see one another before long.

With the butter coupons we get half butter and half margarine, that is if you can call it butter, and we have already been told that eventually it will be just lard. But most people here prefer to eat their bread dry rather than with that horrible stuff. Only on Sundays do we get meat (100 gms), that has to last us for the whole week, but Och! one can get used to anything in time. Fortunately I get a bottle of Yogurt every other day and also an orange, which I appreciate very much. I provide my own bread, because the bread here doesn't agree with me. Otherwise I have nothing to complain about, the Sisters here do everything they can to provide us with the best possible meals and also try and see we get a certain amount of variety. But then if things are not there, then they cannot give them to us.

I do have quite a few activities that I am involved in here, which help to take my mind off things. I play bridge at least three times a week, and then I spend an afternoon with Mrs v.d. Hielen and her daughter; very pleasant. For the rest I read a lot, I have never got through so many books as now.

We have to keep on wearing all our underclothes until they are old and worn out and literally threadbare, as mending materials are impossible to come by. I hope they will last until I can buy more when I visit you. Since the start of the war I have hardly bought anything, and I am now beginning to need things very badly. We cannot get anything, or buy anything of course, and never have I had to walk around with stockings that have so many mended holes, and that are odd.

Now dear Mies and Toon, I wish you all the best and good health, and hope that we will be able to see each other very soon, and find each other well and healthy.

Is Tonny a children's nurse now? and has Miesje finished her training? How fortunate that Robert is not old enough to be sent to the front. How are the others? Hans and his wife, Peggy and Ronny? I hope all well with all my heart.

With a treble birthday kiss and much love, also for Toon

from your loving Mother

022 February 23rd 1944

2006-12-05T22:34:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

I did have a little hope, that I might receive some news via the Red Cross on my birthday. Nevertheless, I know that you were with me in your thoughts that day.

I read in the paper that London has been bombed, but it did not say exactly where. Yesterday Nijmegan, Arnham and Enschede were bombed. Nijmegan seems to have been hit pretty badly, the railway was put out of action; both the station and the lines were hit. Yes, and right on the border. It is sad that our country has also had to suffer so, and that many people have lost there lives who themselves had nothing to do with the war. Oh! Oh! what terrible times these are. Who would have thought that we would have to go through it all a second time. We are sitting here quit calmly at the moment but what will the situation be when it is all over? Will we ever see each other again?

I celebrated my birthday once again since Oom Jan's death. It is already fifteen years since he died. It was a pleasant day. I had about eighteen people calling on me, and many letters, because most of the people I know have been evacuated, and it is not possible for us to visit each other. Marie and Marianne both gave me a pair of stockings, of which I was in great need. From Arnold I got half a pound of natural butter. From a lady here, a sugar coupon, and Phientje presented me with some "kletskopjes" which she had baked herself. The priest here and the Mother Superior both came up to congratulate me.

The Mother Superior gave me a pin cushion she made herself. For the mid-day meal they gave me an extra portion of meat, and a delicious pastry for pudding. Also, Tanta Anna sent me a pastry, so I was able to entertain my guests right royally, because naturally nothing is obtainable without coupons, and one also has to provide sugar and butter. We are able to get speculaas here, which truly tastes as it did before the war, but also of course by providing the sugar and butter. We are all crazy about it, but you have to fetch it yourself there is no delivery service. So I walked all the way from the Haarlemmerdijk carrying a large box containing the tart held straight in front of me, just as if I was carrying a bowl of soup, because I had to hold it level.

Now dear Mies and Toon I hope you are in as good spirits as I am at the moment. I have absolute faith that things will come right in the end, so many people are praying for it; I am sure that one day our prayers will be answered.

As you know, Vic underwent an operation, but she remains very weak. She has boarded the dog out, it was too much for her to have to take it for a walk two or three times a day.

And so I come to an end, hoping to be able to give you good news next time. Are you all well?

Until we meet again, with a big kiss and love to everybody

from your loving Mother

021 February 6th 1944

2006-12-04T22:45:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

Unbelieveable. Still no end to this terrible war. Every day one hopes something will happen to end it for good, but No, they still haven't had enough of it.

On January 21st, I received news sent by Tonny via the Red Cross, that Pegs had has a second son. It arrived three months late, but it was a sign of life. The eldest son is Michael I believe, after whom? I replied immediately, and at some time mentioned that Ton's and Vic's operations were now behind them, and that they are both progressing fine. Vic went to a Rest Home to convalesce because she wasn't strong enough to look after herself without help; however within a week she had walked out because the food was so bad. There is just nothing to be had these days, in the way of nourishing food, especially not for sick people who are no longer of an age to have children. Yes, it is very bad. All the men have dissappeared; old people can no longer be catered for; those who are left are mainly middle aged women.

First it was the radios, and now it is the bicycles. All bicycles have to be given up, both men and women. Next it will be hoovers, and then irons; believe me, by the time the war is over, we will have nothing left that we can use, in fact they already said that at the start.

The Germans talk continuously of the invasion, I think it has got them very worried. But the Dutch do not believe there will be an invasion here, we are certainly not afraid of it.

The September, December and January birthdays have already come and gone. and next come those that I normally always celebrate with you so happily. Do you think taking my age into consideration, I shall ever be able to do so again? I do sometimes doubt it. However, one must not give up hope. Fortunately I still feel well, and with God's help, hope I can remain so, until I have seen you all again.

It is custom here on one's birthday to invite the ladies who have the same accomodation as oneself, in for a nice cup of coffee and pastry, and in the good old days, also for a glass or Port or Vermouth. Naturally the latter is out of the question. But we do try to see if we can pick up a few pastries at the cake shop, for which we have to hand in butter, sugar and coupons, and for which we have to pay a large amount of cash, and in the end it is often not worth the money.

On the black market an egg costs 140 Gilders, a pound of sugar 6 Gilders, a pound of butter 28 Gilders, a new herring 1.25 Gilders, bread 1.85 Gilders, all without coupons. (N.B. 10 Gilders = £1 in 1954) They are making us all very poor. A packet of cigarettes costs 10 Gilders, a cigar 4 Gilders. Is it the same in England? Clothes and shoes are absolutely unobtainable.

Now dear people, I have not finished telling you everything, but the rest can wait until the next time. I have great hopes that it will be over shortly, and so I have not lost heart.

In the hope therefore that we will meet soon,

with love and a kiss for all

Your Loving Mother.

020 January 1st 1944

2006-12-02T23:05:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon,

Another year is just beginning, and so, with the passing of the Old year and the coming of the New, one's thoughts travel far and wide, and in spirit we call to one another and send our good wishes. When the next New Year comes, will we be privileged to exchange our wishes in person? Let us hope that with God's help, we will still all be here then; and when we see each other again, how wonderful it will be.

The air raid siren went again this morning, and once more a swarm of planes flew over Amsterdam going eastwards. It lasted almost an hour, and was followed immediately by a hail storm, so bad that people could hardly remain on their feet.

People are saying Amsterdam has been declared an Open City as the Germans have taken all their anti-aircraft guns away. So for the moment we are free from the fear of bombing.

Phientje's husband must return to Germany again on January 17th, whether he is better or not. Both he and his family are appalled, but he has no choice, and if he refuses he will be forced to go, and they will take it out of his family.

Marianne and her husband and children have just spent a week with his brother, who owns a large boarding house, and which he still has, and they may stay there permanently from now on, rent free and without coupons. Thus everybody helps everybody else to keep going.

Willy wrote to say that she will probably have to leave Aerdenhout under the evacuation scheme, but where will she go with her ten children? Her telephone has been disconnected. They continue to break up the houses, and there is no re-building going on. On the contrary, the materials are being sent back to Germany for the re-building of bomb damaged houses there, leaving us sitting on the rubble.

There are no trams anymore on Sundays, and goodness knows how many have been taken and sent to Germany, together with the conductors!!! There are still tram drivers and conductresses, but because there are so few trams left, they are very much over crowded. It is impossible to go on one without being bruised all over and nearly crushed to death. So elderly people and women with children just cannot use them.

Everyday I thank God that it is so peaceful here, and that I am so well looked after; and we even manage to have fun altogether.

Ap's brother is still not free. It is two years now since they took him, and why?

Now dear children, once again I have unburdened my heart to you. I have a feeling that Hans and Ronny have not been sent to the front. If I am right, then how fortunate. I would so love to see Peggy's babies. The older one must be chattering and starting to walk by now. I am also very curious to know how Tonny is getting on. Is she a children's nurse now? and is it going well? and does she like it? And Meisje will also be nursing by now. Oh! Oh! if only I could just peep round the corner.

Dear Mies and Toon, once again, I wish you all the best, and a long healthy life. Vic has had her operation, and all is going well.

All the very best to one and all especially to Robert, my boy

019 December 27th 1943

2006-12-02T22:40:00.001Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

The year is almost over, and still no sign of peace.

We had a very pleasant Christmas. Christmas Eve I spent with the Deltijl family, who also live here. We endeavoured to make it as cheerful as possible by treating ourselves to an extra cup of coffee with real milk, and also a few sandwiches with real ham, in the meantime playing a game if patience. At 12 O'clock we went to midnight mass. On returning to our rooms at about 2.30 am, we found a delicious cup of real tea waiting for us plus a few biscuits. Then to bed for a nights sleep.

On Christmas day I had my mid-day meal with Ap's mother, together with Ap and his wife; my unmarried sister in law, Claudy, and another lady and gentleman. We had some delicious goose followed by homemade apple tart, accompanied by a glass of Burgundy. I stayed the night owing to the dark evenings. The day after Christmas I went to Tanta Anna. So once again it is all over, and in another few days 1943 will also be at an end. Will next year bring deliverance? Please God yes, we cannot carry on like this much longer.

Phientje Bos's husband had only been back here a few weeks, when unexpected he received instructions to return to Germany immediately. They did everything possible to try and keep him here, but in vain. Three days after he had left again for Hagen (Sauerland) he returned suddenly one evening, having been declared unfit for work, and given an extension of his sick leave up to January 12th. So he still has a few more weeks in which to regain his strength, although he gets no salary or benefit. Between us we have been able to collect enough to make up his salary; with no money they could not possible manage.

Fortunately my health is good, and I do my best to keep it that way, so I may see you all again at least once.

Vis is in hospital at the moment, also for a goitre operation. Ton's operation was so successful, that it gave Vic the courage to have it done too. Each day I wait to hear that she has had it. What courage they have. Just imagine, it is such a big operation. They all live so far from each other at the moment, and can only visit each other with difficulty. Truus is the only one back in her own house, but for how long? No-one knows. The Germans built a stone shelter in her lovely garden, for their military. Everything in the Hague is destroyed. When walking there one has no idea any more, in which part one is.

Dear children and grandchildren, have courage, and continue your prayers for this peace which we are all longing for so much.

I wish you all a happy 1944, and hope we will all see each other again soon.

With a big kiss and also for the babies,

Your loving Mother and Grandma.

018 November 7th 1943

2006-12-02T22:15:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Marvellous to have received such good news from you on Nov. 1st, via Mies Roona. I heard it from both Vic and Ton, and later I received a copy of your letter from Mies. Next Wednesday Nov 10th. I am going to the Hague, and with Vic, I am going to Rijswijk, where together we are going to send you a letter by the same route, through Mies in Venlo, hoping that you will receive it.

So Pegs now has a second baby. Is it a girl? I am so curious to see the little ones. If I survive and visit you, then we will have a large photo made of the four generations. I am so proud about it. No-one believes I am a Great Grandmother. I keep myself going in the hope that I will be able to see you all again now.

It is maintained here, and generally believed, that by next Christmas the war will be over. If it should turn out to be so, what an outburst of joy there would be. Who would have thought it would last five years? One day, there will be an end to this misery. If only everyone would realise that we have to pray for it, but the majority do not do so, and that is such a great pity.

The day Phientje Bos's husband returned from Germany so over wrought, was the last day of a Novena, which Phien had held with her children. And so her prayers and particularly those of her children, for their father, were heard. He has to rest for a few more weeks. We only hope that the war will be over by then, so that he doesn't have to go back, that would be terrible.

There are hardly any newspapers to be had at the moment, owing to the great shortage of paper, and yet, when I was still living in the Hague, they did not hesitate to use an enormous amount of paper by pinning notices on all the trees in the "Ouda Scheveningsche Wag", which said "Death to the Jews" - How utterly shameful. But they did not stop there. They proceeded to send many, many Jews to be gassed. Also those Jews who were of mixed marriage, were forcibly sterilized, both the men and the women. They were told they could choose between death or that. Yes the Heavens will call for revenge on such inhuman deeds. Animals should not be treated thus, let alone human beings.

Now Mies and Toon, once again I have unburdened my heart. I hope it won't be long before I can send you these letters, because I am getting very forgetful these days, and would never be able to remember all the things I have written about.

Hoping to see you soon.

A hug and love

From Mother, Grand and Great grandmother

017 October 29th 1043

2006-12-01T23:36:00.001Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Since September 23rd so much has happened again and yet it would be impossible for me to describe it all. It goes on and on and yet still there is no sign of peace. And people are praying so hard for it. A German priest, from the army, comes here secretly every evening at 7pm, to say Mass. Of course his superiors must never know.

Phientje Bos;'s husband who had been directed to Germany in connection with his work, has been sent back to Holland suffering badly from nerves, after experiencing a heavy bombing attack in Hagen (Westphalia) together with several work colleagues. He worked in Hagen itself but owing to the air raids, slept at night in a small place nearby. One evening they were all at the theatre when the air raid warning was sounded. They left the theatre and went into the street. At that moment the bombs started to fall on the town, so they went into the cellar for shelter. But that was nothing, that, they were well used to. Next they went to the house of an acquaintance, but soon after, the house received a direct hit, so again they ran to the cellar. Then they noticed the house was on fire so they tried to get out of the cellar but couldn't. The exit was blocked with rubble. In desperation, and at their wits end, they hacked at the wall, as every house has a cellar, and got through to the next house. Again a bomb fell on the house, and again they had to hack their way through the wall to get out. Once out they all scattered and Wim (Phientje's husband), found himself alone. Wrapped in a wet blanket, he ran into a wood, it was pitch black, and hardly knowing what he was doing, he ran through the wood bumping into trees and sometimes having to crawl through undergrowth. He eventually emerged in the morning at 7am having been in the wood since 10pm. He went to his living quarters only to find no roof, and no windows there. The factory where he worked had been completely destroyed, only the offices remained. He was by this time so overwrought, that the Director called a Nerve Specialist to see him, who said he must have three weeks rest. And so he returned to Phientje. He spends the whole day crying. you can understand that we are all doing our best to keep him here, and he himself has no desire to go back. However there is a lot at stake, as it would mean the loss of a job and no salary. But we will have to wait and see what happens.

By next January Marie Bos will also be home for good. Another blow for Tanta Anna. And who will want to employ a woman of 53? She has been told she will receive half her salary as a pension, but for how long? I have taken out a life insurance policy for her for 2000 Gilders, and she will get 10 Gilders a month for life starting on January 15th 1944 - her next birthday. Just a small contribution to help see her through.

Now dear Mies and Toon, next time more. a big kiss, and also for the children, who I hope are all well.

Your longing Mother.

016 September 19th 1943

2006-12-01T20:58:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

I haven't written since August 5th and yet a whole lot has happened meanwhile.

Two weeks ago, Tom Roona was operated on for goitre. It was a big operation, and she was in the theatre from 1 - 4 pm. It was a dangerous operation but fortunately successful.

On Sep 17th I heard from Dick that everything is fine, and the doctors are very pleased. Dick was with her the night before, and was allowed to walk her - for the first time - along the corridor. The following day, she walked by herself - twice. She still looks pretty ill, very white around her nose, but all that will go as she gets stronger. She was in the West Einde hospital, and was looked after extremely well, - 3rd class, but nevertheless excellent attention. Each day she has cream, good quality milk, and "the mid-day meal swims in butter" said Ton. According to the doctor, she must continue with this diet for a few months, and at the same time have complete rest, because her whole system will have been upset by the operation. Ton told Dick "I feel so happy and content it is just as if I have become a different person, as if everything within me has changed; I feel so calm, not at all agitated, which was how I felt for many years." Apparently they had to take a lot away, and not enough had been removed when she had her first operation at the age of eighteen in Rotterdam. What pleaded me so much was that she had taken up again with her Roman Catholicism. Before her operation she took communion three times. She told me that personally, in a letter, which she sent from the hospital prior to her operation, as she had to go in for 8 days observations. She wrote "In an hours time I will be operated on" (I had helped them out with the enormous fee - 100 Gilders, and she wrote to thank me, and to say how helpful it had been and how much they appreciated it), She wrote that I need not worry as she was quite prepared should things go wrong. The previous evening and the same day, she had received Communion, and she had 40 hours of continuous prayer. They took her to the church on the stretcher for her to receive Communion. She thought it was wonderful, and prepared herself for her departure should she not survive the operation. She also asked forgiveness for the nasty things she had said to me when we were under the same roof. I am so pleased and thankful, and continue to pray that she may be spared for her family, and that she will maintain the faith which gave her the strength she needed. As soon as she comes out of hospital, I will visit her.

Where the war is concerned, although Mussolini and fascism had been removed from the scene we do not seem to be getting much further. It is still a matter of waiting patiently and hoping the end will come soon.

Mies and Toon, Many happy returns for Hans' birthday, you will no doubt be visiting him so please congratulate him for me. I so long for you all.

With a big kiss and love to all, and until we meet again.

How is Robert? I don't think I would recognize him now.

Your loving Mother.

015 August 5th 1943

2006-12-01T20:16:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

Since I last wrote on July 19th, a lot has happened in Italy; Mussolini has fallen. We are all very wound up waiting to see what is going to happen next. The fascists are finished and yet they are still fighting, in spite of warnings from the Americans and the English. 360 thousand prisoners have been freed and allowed to return to their families and homes. They have been told they can return to their work, and have been given food. They have also been told they may elect a new government. What more do they want? As they still have three Italian divisions fighting under the Germans, they obviously want to see these released and out of the fighting before there can be a peace settlement.

There was another raid here in Amsterdam yesterday. The trams were all halted, also the cyclists and traffic, and all men from ages 45-50 years were picked up and will be sent to the Eastern Front.

Our radios have been taken from us, and we now have to be content with the lying newspapers. I could have cried quite easily when they took mine away. There is nothing for us to rely on anymore, and it leaves us with a feeling of great insecurity. All we can do now is sit and wait to see what they will do to us next.

The town is just like a dull village, it has no life anymore. One hardly sees any young men, they have either been taken prisoner or they have gone underground. It is becoming unbearable. Each day we think "What will happen to-day?".

Ap v.d.Berg's father died on July 30th without having been able to see his son again who was taken prisoner one and a half years ago. Terrible for both parties. His mother now lives in the Beethovenstraat having been evacuated from Bentveld. It never occurred to me that he had come to Amsterdam to die; not even in his own house. Phientje Bos' husband, wim Apon, is on 16 days leave from Germany at the moment. These are anxious times, because when in Germany, the letters he wrote never got through, and so they heard nothing of each other. He is hoping that something will happen whilst he is here, so that he won't have to return.

Are you all well? And are the men folk all at home still. I am so curious to hear of something of you. How long will it be before we can speak to each other again? Everyone is saying it is going well, but it is taking so long, and we can do absolutely nothing to help bring this war to an end quickly. We are tied hand and foot. I could ask you hundreds of questions, but in these letters they couldn't be answered; at least not until the war is over. We must have courage and trust in God, and wait and see how He will sort it all out.

Now dear people, I hope you are all well. Fortunately I am well. As soon as I have the chance I will fly over to you, and we will certainly have lots to talk about.

I finish with a big kiss for everybody and a special one for you Mies.

from your loving Mother.

014 July 19th 1943

2006-12-01T00:15:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Children

I have already been back a week since my trip to Leerman with Tanta Anna, Maria and Betsy Janus. We had a very peaceful week there, the war seemed so remote, although the weather was not on our side. It was cold and rained a lot; for four out of the seven days that we were there, they even lit the stove for us.

It is becoming very tense here again. The Fokker factory was bombed, but unfortunately the bombs fell wide of there mark, and as a result many civilians were killed. It is tragic but it seems there is no other way. A nearby church was hit just when there happened to be about 50 children present; 5 or 6 were killed. Also a school was hit killing 5 Nuns amongst others. But it is wartime and it seems the ordinary citizens must also suffer.

Doctors here were ordered to pack up and go to Germany to practice there, however 80% of them refused. As a result some were arrested and sent to concentration camps. After a few days they were released with there heads shaved bare. They refused to admit defeat by defiantly walking to their surgeries without hats, there heads naked.

We all believe we are nearing the end of the war. They are making great progress in Italy, so far they are in possession of one fifth of Sicily. We hope that further advances will quickly follow, especially as some of the Germans have surrendered, together with their divisions.

There are practically no Jews left anymore. What will they have done with those people? We believe a large number have been gassed. During that time it was prudent to stay indoors. All the streets leading to the Jewish quarters were blocked off and armed soldiers were standing guard.

At the beginning of this month I was promised that I will receive rent from the German Army for my three houses which have been evacuated. What will they be like once the war is over? All exposed to wind and weather, and no maintenance of course. All the windows of my house in Bentiveld have been broken by the friendly youth! I will write to my insurance people and ask if they will have them boarded up. It is hard to believe that things will ever be able to be put right again. It will certainly take a very long time.

How I would love to hear some news from you. Every day I pray that we may see each other again. I was given the address this week of Joh and Winkel; I went immediately to see them. They are now living in the Valeriusstraat; they are not working anymore. Joh has been bedridden for eleven years. he is completely stiff in his limbs, but his spirits are good fortunately. It is very hard going for Wies who nurses him herself. She told me that they have both returned to the Roman Catholic faith. It was apparently a complicated procedure involving the Pope; but more about that latter.

Now dear Mies and Toon, until the next time, with love to all the children, and a hug from

Your loving Mother.

013 June 19th 1943

2006-11-30T23:49:00.000Z

AMSTERDAM

Dear Mies and Toon

All the birthdays have come and gone, and yet I still wait for a letter from you. But in vain. no doubt the same applies to you too. My instincts do not tell me that things in England are not going well, neither do they tell me that something has happened to you. So I will trust my instinct, and continue to believe "No news is good news".

There is not a lot of news. Wim Apon, Phientje's husband has been sent to Germany for a year by his firm, to work in an accumulator factory. He comes home for a few days every six weeks. She is quite alone with her three children, no help. Help in the house is impossible to get. Every Tuesday I go to see her and help her with her mending. But for the rest she carries on with fortitude. Annie Bos is spending a weeks holiday in Leerman. She writes that things are not bad there, although everything is very dear. But better that than shops that are empty. Tanta Anna will be 78 in September. She does everything herself still, without help, because Annie and Marie still work all day at the office. That is a lot for her at her age. I am proposing to take a weeks holiday myself in Leerman, in July. Marie will come too with Betsy Janus, and I will take Tanta Anna, she is in great need of a few days away from it all, she is almost collapsing, and that cannot continue much longer. They are planning to live together in rooms when the war is over, where they will be looked after. The time is not ripe at the moment, as it is too expensive, and also the food is so bad. I have no complaints here in St Barnardus, we are looked after very well. I came here just in time.

Bets and Doortje both have jobs in Laren. Doortje was in hospital for three months, but is now better and back at work. Bets took over her job during that time. She keeps saying that if I go to England and you are without help, then she will drop everything and come with me. I think Doortje would also like to come. But I must not look too far ahead.

How are you all? I wish I could peep round a corner and see you just once. Is Peggy's baby growing well? And how is Hans, has his family increased? I hear nothing, and it does worry me so.

All the young men, 18-45 years, have been called up, and they have been led to believe that they will be well looked after, and that there will be plenty of young healthy girls waiting for them. You can imagine what the mothers of these young men must be thinking.

Our radios are being collected up, and what is more, we have to hand them in ourselves, which I cannot possibly do. I dare not trust it to anyone else, so if they want it they must come and fetch it.

In the meantime, Miesje is now twenty, and Robert must be quite 13 years or 14. How are they all? I feel a bit better these days, and live mainly on yogurt and rye bread.

Now dear people, with love to all, and a big kiss for each.

From your loving Mother.

012 May 5th 1943

2006-11-29T23:07:00.000Z

Dear Meis and Toon

Things are getting much more tense, and because of this, I must not put off writing a few more words to you. We just do not know what hangs over our heads. It has been a nerve wrecking week. The Carlton and many houses burnt down. No one is allowed out anymore after 8 pm, not even into the garden. Practically every night we are bombed, and one is perpetually prepared for anything to happen. People who break the curfew and go out after 8 pm are arrested, collected together, and sent to Vught (concentration camp).

All eligible males have been told to enlist. And what will happen then? There will be no men left to protect us from the acts of cruelty that are occurring. O God, please deliver us, we are in such need of help. This week I dare not go out, as I usually do, for fear of coming across people who have got involved in a street argument; that is not a situation one wants to find oneself in these days.

I am glad the Germans are not concentrating so much on E (?England) at the moment, that would be an added burden for me to bear. I am not worried about myself; I am prepared for anything, should it happen. I have placed my affairs in the hands of Mr Schevikhoven, of 53 Parkstreet, Utrecht, and have asked him to act as executor on my will for the period of the war. Not only are my finances in order, but I myself am prepared, and also spiritually prepared should I have to perish. Although every day I pray to God that I may be allowed to see you all again just once more, and hope that my prayers will be heard.

It is now lunch time, so I will stop here for the moment.

May 19th 1943
And now I will continue and finish this letter. Wonderful! Tunis has fallen; to our great joy. That at least is a tiny beam of light, and a step further towards peace.

We may now stay out in the evenings until 11 pm. The cafes close at 10 pm, and no trams run after 7 pm. But in any case, I don't go out at all in the evenings anymore, so that is not so terrible for me.

Ap's brother is still in prison; he has been there since March 5th of last year.

Because I am beginning to look so much older these days, I have had another portrait painted of myself, so should we never meet again, you will have an idea of how I looked towards the end. I have also had Uncle Jan painted (Grandma's 2nd husband). So you will have two companion portraits.

Phientje Bos's husband has been sent to Germany for a year to work in the accumulator factory there. He had been employed with the firm for many years. I now visit her every Tuesday to help her with her sewing, and also to give her a bit of company, because she is very depressed about her husband going. But she is being very courageous, particularly as she has three small children to bring up.

Now dear Mies and Toon, until the next time. I hope to see you very soon.

Your loving Mother.

011 April 29th 1943

2006-11-29T22:41:00.000Z

Dear Meis and Toon

For the last three weeks I have been laid up in the mending basket. My stomach does not seem to be able to take either the bread or the substitute tea anymore. I don't know what I can eat in it's place. As soon as I eat a slice of bread, then I am immediately sick. If I don't eat any then I have no trouble. Rusks are unobtainable, they are only for the sick and I am not sick enough to qualify. Rye bread and honey cake are just not to be had; biscuits only with coupons, and then only 75gms. I try to get yogurt, but I do not always succeed. The powdered milk tastes terrible. The sister tries to get me some lemon squash, but that does not give me the nourishment one needs. Over Easter we had duck with apple sauce followed by a pastry each which was a real feast these days. We also had an egg each. But this was a once only occasion. I bought myself some eggs at 80 cents each, and also some cheese which cost me 1.20 gilders per pound. One has to eat something, and I thought better to pay for food than have to pay for a doctor. Once a week we get a small piece of meat, a small piece of cheese, and a few slices of smoked meat to put on our bread. That is all , and certainly not every day. We do get an apple almost every day, or an orange, for which we are very grateful, as in this way we do get some vitamins inside us.

There is now talk that we may have to change all our Dutch money into German Marks, only the latter can be used here now. Yes, they are determined to leave us all very poor, and what can one do about it? Absolutely nothing.

An American plane came down in flames and landed on the Carlton and it's surrounds, it also caused an enormous amount of damage to the nearby houses, and many people were killed and injured. It flew over our house whilst in flames, fortunately we escaped unscathed, but what will happen next?

I think so often of you all, and I wonder if you too are experiencing such a shortage of everything. It really cannot go on like this much longer, each day it gets worse.

How are you all in spite of everything? And the children, how are they? I still have had no news from you. A year has passed since I last heard. I have given up writing to you as I never get a reply, in any case, what can one say in only twenty five words, particularly without expressing feelings of anger and resentment, which would be impossible to contain?

The evacuation of the Jews is almost completed. They all have to be out of their houses within the next few days, and get themselves to the town of Vught; from there they will be sent who knows where. Their empty houses are immediately taken over by Germans and N.S.B's (Dutch Nazis).

Now children, until the next time, when I hope to be able to tell you pleasanter things.

Bye, bye, with a big kiss for you all

from your loving Mother.

010 April 16th 1943

2006-11-29T21:55:00.000Z

Dear Meis and Toon,

Three and a half months have passed since I last wrote to you. I cannot explain why I have left it so long. Perhaps because we are all longing for peace so much, and keep expecting it to happen any minute. Seeing that peace has not yet been declared, I will once again write and tell you what has been happening.

A lot has happened. The Jews in both North and South Holland, have all been told they must leave their homes on April 23rd, and go to Vught, and once there they will receive further instructions. All the small shops have closed, or they have merged. All luxury shops must go, fancy goods, jewellers. Small cake shops and delicatessen shops are closing. It is impossible to buy anything of quality anymore, everything is imitation and very expensive. You cannot get a cup, or tin, or glass of anything without a coupon. We haven't had pure milk for a few years now, it is all powdered milk, and undrinkable. Fruit is on coupons, but only for the sick. We have been drinking imitation coffee for I don't know how long; and tea has not been obtainable for ages, just the one thing one is in need of at the moment. Eggs are only for the sick. As a special favour for Easter, we will be able to get one egg each. I cannot remember when I last tasted an egg. Clothes are unobtainable or quite awful and extremely expensive. Nobody is getting enough to eat, these days. I never feel well and am quite sick due to the greasy substitute food we have to swallow. As a result I have developed "sores" on my face and round my eyes and at the moment am under a skin specialist who has given me some special ointment and some vitamin B and C tablets to help me. We get practically nothing to put on our bread. We get 1 1/2 ozs (equal to about 4 English ozs) meat per person per week, half a pound of butter per person for 12 days, plus some margarine for our mid-day meal, and for our bread meal. It really must not go on much longer, we older ones will not be able to hold out if it does, and neither will the younger ones.

We have had to hand in all 1000 and 500 Gilder notes. In exchange we were given a receipt, but we will have to wait and see what the outcome of it all will be. The notes have been declared valueless. Should we find ourselves in debt as a result then the Nederladse Bsnk will pay us back as their discretion.

Dear Mies and Toon, I could go on like this for at least another hour, but I shall save it for the next letter. I won't wait so long next time. I feel so ill and cannot eat anything and just long for a rusk, or a glass of milk, but that is quite out of the question, these things are only for expectant mothers and the sick.

Mies and Toon, until the next time. I hug you in my thoughts.

Your Mother.

009 December 13th 1942

2006-11-28T22:46:00.001Z

Dear Meis and Toon

Before the Christmas festivities begin, I want to sit down and tell you all that has been happening recently. Although they are not pleasant things. But by writing them down in this way, I am better able to remember them.

People were told that after October 28th certain areas would have to be evacuated. It is still going on now as I write. In Scheveningen, all the houses have been emptied; many have been vandalised. Bricks have been carefully chipped away, roof tiles removed, window frames and doors taken out. All have been sent back to Germany for the rebuilding of houses that have been destroyed out there. Everybody I know has had to move away, and I don't know where any of them are, perhaps I will never see them again. Those who found themselves another address before October 28th came off best, because they could go where they wished and also could take their furniture etc with them. Those who waited for further announcements from the Germans, have had to get out in three days, and have also had to leave a large part of their possessions behind. My house in Prinsmaurits Plein is empty, and I am waiting to hear from the Germans what they value it at, then I can claim 2/3rds of that in compensation. Bentveld became empty on November 30th. Bloemendael has been taken over by the Germans themselves, and the army are now living there. People say one will receive compensation, but when? and how much? Paper can always wait.

Eindhoven has been badly hit. The Philips factory has been flattened. Fortunately no one was at work during the bombing, which took place on Sunday December 6th, but even so, a lot of people did lose their lives.

And now for the pleasanter news. The priest here Father Olierook celebrates his 12 1/2 years anniversary to-morrow, December 14th. It is going to be celebrated with a pontifical mass, attended by two senior priests; after which the Nuns will sing a cantata in the hall, and all the people living here will sing a song. Something nice has been arranged for the afternoon, but I don't know yet what. Our priest is loved by all, and he is very well educated. He was not ordained into the priesthood until later in life (age 39). He was a teacher to begin with, and after obtaining his teachers Diploma went on to get a Headteachers certificate. He then went to study in Rome at the Athenaeum Institute for the Propagation of Faith. In 1926 he obtained his Dr of Philosophy and soon after that he succeeded in passing his Baccalaureate exam in Theology. As well as his duties as priest here, he is expected to act as advisor to all Amsterdam catholics regarding social facilities and social functions in Amsterdam. He is an excellent preacher.

More to follow in my next letter.

008 November 5th 1942

2006-11-28T22:16:00.000Z

Dear Mies and Toon

Within the last few weeks evacuations have taken place in certain parts of the country. I am now going to sit with you for a while and tell you exactly what has been happening.

It was announced in the papers that some areas around the coast would have to be evacuated. The places mainly affected were the Hague, Scheveningen, and Bloemendaal. Immediately people started leaving their homes to look for other accommodation, taking their furniture with them, fearing that they might otherwise have to leave it all behind. Then another announcement appeared in the papers saying people need not be afraid, as they would be given plenty of warning in order for them to be able to arrange suitable transport for their furniture and belongings. But whilst people were waiting patiently for news, out of the blue came orders for them to leave their homes more or less immediately. In spite of what the papers had said, they were given no time to find transport, which in any case is almost unobtainable. As a result, many people had to leave their things behind, the Germans then commandeered it all, and sent it back to Germany for the bomb damaged cities. Aerdenhout was included, so the B family also had to leave. They rented a flat in Amsterdam and took with them some of their more treasured possessions, the things they did not want to loose. The people are being chased from all quarters; then yet another piece appears in the papers saying that may be they can stay in the area after all. And thus came news this morning that my Bloemendaal tenants are already living in Haarlem, owing to the fact that the Haarlem Army Kommandant took over the house after making an inventory of the contents. The house in Hoflaan, Bentveld will also be taken, and also my own house in Prina Maurits Plein, the Hague. how fortunate that I am (hopefully) safely ensconced here. Where would I have gone to? The Roonas, Truus, Annie and Vic all come under threat of removal. Truus has tried in vain to find a house to buy in a small village. The whole world is upside down. Will it end soon? Mies, I am so thankful to have landed in such a safe place, and a result I feel at peace.

I hope you are all well. Everybody you talk to here is on edge and irritable. How can it be otherwise? Marianne v.d.Bijl-Bos is suffering from nerves, Phientje Apon-Bos also. every week I go with Tante Anne to the Maire Paviljoen for her check-up for her skin complaint (cancer). Tante Betsie and Gerard are fairly well at the moment, although underfed. I send them something regularly, for which they are very grateful. The summer time is over and once again it is light an hour earlier in the morning, and dark an hour earlier in the evening. I am able to spend my evenings very pleasantly with my fellow residents here, there is no question of going out at all. Nel Rijer comes to see me every now and again. Don't worry I contributed to Cor's funeral costs and expenses.

Now dear people, I hope you are all well.

With best wishes and kisses and hopes for a speedy peace

from your loving Mother.

007 October 15th 1942

2006-11-28T21:47:00.000Z

Dear Mies and Toon

Since your last Red Cross message of July 20th, I have of course heard no more. I replied immediately (the same day) I received your 25 words, which was on Sep 29th. The priest here happened to be visiting me just at that time to ask if I had heard any more news from you, and he typed my reply for me, so I was able to send it straight away. As I write to you now, you will of course not have received it yet - things do not go that quickly.

Yes, a great pity that you will never be able to see Cor again. She did not suffer much, and fortunately for her, is certainly now in a safer haven. These are no times for the sick and the weak, and she has been spared many unpleasantnesses. I was so pleased to hear from you again, and to know that you are alright. Although a lot could still have happened in two months. Peg's baby is already big, and I haven't even seen him yet. If that happiness is still in store for me, then I shall thank God.

I am very content here in St Bernardus, and I have literally everything I need. The Nuns look after us all so well, I only regret I did not come here sooner. I sleep, eat, and drink well, and I feel fine and say to myself: What more can one want? I have plenty of companionship and interests here, I can also make myself useful by visiting those less able and less well off than myself, and helping them by "word and deed". I could almost say it is perfect here. I go to communion three times a week; Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On one occasion I asked for prayers to be said that you may all be spared, and also that I will be able to see you after the war, healthy and unharmed. That is all I wish for, before I lay my head down for good. For the rest, I am as healthy as anything, and nobody believes that I am seventy. Do you sometimes see Father Dockery? Give him my best wishes.

Tanta Anna had to have a small operation on her cheek, the Doctor said it was a skin cancer. she had to be in the Maria Pavillion Hospital for about a week. We hope it won't spread and thereby cause her a lot of suffering. It was fortunate that I am here as I was able to accompany her to the hospital. Both her daughters are out at work all day. She still has to have the bandages on and be kept under observation.

I hope you are all well. Everyday I pray for you and think of you. And now dear Mies and Toon, we must have courage and keep going until the day we so long for arrives, when the war will be over.

With a big kiss for you both, and for the children and the grandson.

Your loving Mother

P.S. Is Hans happily married? I do hope so, he really deserves to be.

006 September 7th 1942

2006-11-27T19:56:00.000Z

Dear All,

In my last letter, written July 14th, I said I would be moving to Amsterdam in October, but the date was put forward, because I was able to let my flat earlier than I had anticipated. In that respect I was extremely lucky and came out of it very well. Being war-time, it was not possible anymore to get anything worthwhile from the shops. In spite of not having publicised the fact, a number of people were after the flat due to the fact that housing was in great demand. People also wanted to know if I had any furniture etc that they could take over from me. Seeing as I was only going to have two rooms in St Bernardus, I naturally had quite a lot of one thing and another which I could leave with the flat. To start with I am getting a good rent for the place: 62.50 gilders per month. Then I sold all my kitchen stuff, my dining room furniture which consisted of a side-board, mirror, folding-table, and eight chairs, also all my carpeting. Before I left, I had my bathroom (where I sometimes did some cooking) converted into a kitchen, the bath was transferred to the small room upstairs, where I also had a W.C. put in. Three, four, different people were all after the flat at the same time, in no time at all it was off my hands, and I have let it for three years. Owing to the war, I was not able to have it re-decorated, because these days everything is always done so badly, and so in that respect I benefited. I received a good price for my furniture etc.

And now I am with the Nuns, and am very happy about it, although it was an enormous change over for me. The two rooms I have at the present were the only ones immediately available, and I decided to take them, otherwise I might have had to wait a very long time to get in -- until one of the old ladies, who is very ill and weak at the moment, dies. And due to the excellent nursing care she is getting here, she could live many months yet. I am being looked after like a baby, the food is good, and there is plenty to drink, particularly for these times. They have their own chapel and their own doctor, so should I fall ill, I can be nursed here. I am as free as a bird, and can do exactly as I like. I do not have to be in until 11pm. I can go to church here or elsewhere if I wish, no-one interferes with these things. I can play bridge here or I can go out and play bridge. They bring me my meals in my room. I had a very pleasant chat with the priest here, and he invited me to go and visit him, which I shall do. I felt at home from the very first day, I arrived on September 1st and am already quite settled in. I have got to know a few ladies, and every now and again, we pay patience in the evenings. Each morning I go for a walk, and return hungry, to find everything ready waiting for me. Sometime the Nuns pop in for a chat. All very nice, They are very sweet and very helpfully. The move I did practically on my own; they thought it remarkable that I wanted to do that myself, and they couldn't believe I was 70, they guessed 60.

Thanks to God, I am fine. Had I remained in the Hague, I would not have fed myself so well, owing to the poor quality of the food in the shops, and for which you had to queue up for hours and then not always able to get it. And not being particularly interested in food I would manage with a plate of porridge or a sandwich. That is alright for a day or two, but not for a long period, and I noticed that I often felt quite weak and dizzy. And now I am even happy just to take a bite out of a sour apple. I feel I have a heaven on earth. Vic and Truus and others I know thought I was crazy coming here but I did not let them talk me out of it, and so far I have no regrets. All my crystal, and various other things, which I cannot use here, I have kept for you. They are packed in boxes. Also my dinner set, and at the first opportunity they will be sent to you, along with Tonny's trunks which she left behind.

But enough of myself. how are you all? Is Peggy's boy growing nicely, and how is Hans and his young wife? How far has Tonny got with her nursing? Is Meisje still working? So presumably you are on your own during the day. Do you still work for the Oxford group?

What a pity I cannot send you these letters. Do you think it will all be over soon? People here are longing for that. It is costing so many lives. If I may see you all just once more, then I would be happy to lay down my head for the last time.

Dear children, every day I pray to God that you may be spared the worst, and that we may soon be able to see one another again. At the very first opportunity, I will be on your doorstep, you can reckon on that.

In my imagination I hug you all. All the very best and until we meet soon dear Meis.

from your Loving Mother.

005 July 11th 1942

2006-11-27T00:09:00.001Z

Dear Children

A whole lot of things have happened since I last wrote to you. On July 1st I was in Amsterdam in order to receive the legacy left me by uncle Fernantxen. On July 2nd I visited Cor, because I was spending the whole week in Amsterdam. She was very buoyant and she showed me a beautiful lamp which was hanging in the room, and which she had covered with some old dress material. It was so beautiful, it could have come straight from the manufacturer. Only the fringe still had to put on. I had decided to give her some of my legacy money so she could buy herself extra food, because she had become very frugal in that respect. I told her that I was planning to go and live in St Bernardhus (run by nuns) in Amsterdam. She was very pleased to hear it and said she would visit me there. I said I would take part in her knitting club, just like I used to in the Hague. Early on July 9th, Ton Roona came up from downstairs to tell me the news that Cor had died. I was terribly shocked. She had only been ill a few days before she died, of her gall bladder trouble. Apparently she was not able to have any further operations. But her lamp shade was finished, and in one word, it is magnificent. Vic was with her at the end, and Truns, Annie and Ellen saw her whilst she was still alive. She died peacefully and calmly after receiving the Last Sacrament. The funeral was simple, but tasteful, and a room had been set aside for the mourners. There was also a sung Mass in the Obrecht church, which was very moving. I acted as your representative and also at the cemetery. She was laid to rest in the same grave as her parents and Tante To. She was lucky that she did not have to suffer for long and perhaps she has been spared, because there are many unpleasant things happening here these days. She could no longer get the extra food she needed, and she was not happy. It really was amazing that in spite of everything she managed to reach the age of 59.

On October 1st, I shall be moving into my rooms in St Bernardus in Amsterdam where I shall be looked after totally: for body, soul, church and doctor and everything is provided in and on the premises. I shall be getting two very nice inter-connecting rooms. People say I am still too young to put myself there, but I do not want to wait until I am ill and then have to be rushed into hospital or into an institution. I shall be as free as a bird there, and the moment the opportunity arises I shall come and visit you in England,

Dear children, I hope to see you soon, and that there will be peace very soon.

A hug for everyone from your loving mother.

004 April 19th 1942

2006-11-26T23:44:00.001Z

Dear Meis and Toon

And so my thoughts about being a Great Grandmother are now a reality. How do you like being a grandmother? And Hans married, Oh! Oh! now I begin to notice that I am getting old, although I do not feel it. I cannot understand it.

Uncle Fernantzen died on March 28th, suddenly. He was found first thing in the morning by his bed. He was 84 years old. He left most of his estate to Net Schmitz, namely, his house at number 112 plus contents, and also the house at the back. Should he have left anything to me, then it will be yours.

Next Sunday, April 26th, I am going to Amsterdam to be present at the first confirmation of both Phientje Bos and Marianne's eldest.

Over Easter I spent a couple of very pleasant days at Cor's together with Vic. It was there that we heard your news from Ton Roona by telephone via Miss Raming. It made my Easter Days that much happier as a result. I remember when you had your first baby, how we celebrated with champagne. But those were different times.

Ton Roona and I have made it up. Ton spoke first and said that in times like these we should forget our differences, forget what has been said, and try to be friends. And so we were able to discuss and solve our problems.

Many happy returns for Toon's birthday on April 6th. I always think of you both on these occasions. Mies, no doubt Robert has been confirmed. and what is Hans' wife like? It is to be hoped that they will be happy together. He deserves a good wife. Pegs must be thrilled with her son. Is Tonny still nursing? and does she still like it? I also heard that Toon has had some successful business transactions. Mies Raming said she got this from a family who knows you, and whom she went to see. The gentleman who visited Tonny at the Household school, and who brought me a message from you before we were invaded, lives I believe, in the Hollandsche village, which is near Bilthoven. I shall go and visit him next time I am in the neighbourhood, perhaps he might be able to give me more news of you all. But I suppose I should be content with the news I have already received from you, which has made me so happy.

And so dear Mies, Toon, Tonny, Miesje and Robert, a big hug and until next time
from your loving mother,

003 March 20th 1942

2006-11-26T23:24:00.003Z

Dear Birthday Mies

Firstly let me heartily congratulate you on your 49th birthday. No words can express all that I would wish for you, first and foremost I wish that you may be spared many many years for your husband and your family, and that very very soon we shall be able to wish each other hapiness in days of peace, peace which will include everyone. You have not been out of my thoughts the whole day, and as much as possible I have been imagining myself with you. I began the day early by going to Mass, which I had especially requested be said for you, and that prayer be said for your health and hapiness. I also went to communion and prayed that you and your family may be blessed with good fortune. This afternoon I visited Vic, and again thought of you, and now I am sitting talking to you, when in different circumstances I might well have actually been with you.

Did you have dinner in London with Toon, and then go to the theatre, as you have done in the past? How are you all? I feel especially excited today, and can therefore spend this day with you in a happy frame of mind. Every now and then I find myself getting rather angry, but I immediately think of my daughter who is so strong and courageous, and gives such a good example, and then my mood begins to improve. I also pray a lot for Hans and Ron, that they may be spared, and also that we may all see each other again, healthy and in good spririts, and preferably as soon as possible. I try to imagine what you all do during the day, and where and in what conditions you are living at the moment. Have you still got your car Mies? and are you allowed to use it? One sees very few cars these days, also trams are few and far between, mainly because there are no more replacement parts available to repair them with when they break down. We now have nickel coins and paper money just like during the 1st world war. There is not much butter or milk to be had, the milk is made from powder, and when it is boiled, leaves a thick precipitate in the pan. Half a pound of butter has to last us nine days, cooking fat is completely unobtainable, and we are only allowed 1 1/2 ounces (i.e approx 5 English ounces) of meat per person per week, for all of which we are given coupons. The same applies to flour, pulses, coffee, essence, sugar, rice, jam. Nothing can be had without coupons.

Mies dear, my page is nearly full, I hope you have both had a happy day together, and once again I send my good wishes, and also an extra big birthday kiss for you and for Toon and the children.

from your loving mother.

002 March 4th 1942

2006-11-26T23:24:00.001Z

Dear Mies and Toon,

I am so fearful for you children. I am thinking of you all the time, and have lost a lot of weight through worrying about you, you would not recongnize the old "youthful" Grandma anymore. I am doing all I can to keep on my feet, although a bottle of tonic is absolutely unobtainable now. I'm back in Prins Maurits Plein, and as I was able to save coal here whilst I was in Frederikhendriklaan, I can now at least sit by my stove and be warm. My birthday came and went almost unnoticed. It is no time for celebrating. I received many letters, and everyone felt the same way.

Last Sunday, March 1st, was declared a special day of prayer for peace. Hundreds, no thousands of people went to communion on that day. It must have been the same all over Holland. Let us hope that all these fervent prayers will be heard. I also pray that God will allow us to see each other again, the uncertainty, and hearing nothing from you, makes me sad. But hope brings life, and each day I pray for the strength not to lose courage.

I took my savings out of the bank. If anything happens, I may need it. The money I had put aside for you - over and above my savings - I shall invest in a Life Insurance policy, which will give me 5% interest per thousand gilders. After my death, and minus a few deductions, it will of course go to you Mies. I am thinking of investing 6000 gilders in it, and the interest will be for you. After the war, if I am still alive, I shall arrange for it to be sent to you direct.

Fortunatley it has started thawing today. We have had so much snow, that it is piled high in the street, a good 5 feet. For weeks I have had to stay indoors because of it, and also the footpaths were iced over. it was in one word dangerous and has been like it for two whole months.

I had so hoped to hear a message from you over the radio at the New Year as there was talk of it, but No! I listened in vain.

Vic and I are going to spend Easter with Cor in Amsterdam, and I shall stay on and spend a week with Tanta Anna, as I was not able to visit her in February. Tanta Anna is 76 already, but remains in reasonable good health. There are people who are far worse off than we are, so we must not complain. We have not lost anything yet.

Now dear children, until the next time. I always remember you in my prayers.

With a big hug
from your loving Mother.

001 February 8th 1942

2006-11-25T21:45:00.001Z

Dear Mies and Toon

Since Dec 1st I have been in a Rest Home (Sister Brandt, Fredrikhenbrik laan 38) because I didn't have enough coal to see me through the winter and also because I was not sure what the situation would be regarding food supplies. I am being well looked after here and I am particularly glad I made the decision to come, because the last few days I have not been feeling at all well, and have had to remain in bed.

I developed sores on my mouth and round my eyes, which were attributed to dirt. i was going to spend the whole of February with Tante Anna in Amsterdan, and at the same time celebrate my 70th birthday, but owing to the freezing cold weather, and thick snow, nothing came of it. I am feeling much better now, thanks to the care and attention of sister Brandt, but the weather is still not good enough for me to go to Amsterdam. I plan to remain here until the end of the month, then I shall return to my own house at 8 Prins Mauritsplain.

Dear children no day passes without me thinking of you and wondering how you all are and if you are still all together. I do hope Pegs and Ron are happy together and I am wondering if I can now perhaps call myself a great-grandmother. In my imagination I am already making pretty baby clothes for a newly arrived world citizen. I would so love to be able to peep round the corner and see you all. Are Hans and Ron still at home? And what is Tonny doing? Will she be joining the services? Has Meisje still got her job? And is Robert still at school? I shall never forget his tearful face when Toon came to collect him and Meisje from Bilthoven just before the war broke out. "Oh Grandma" he said "I wanted so much to stay with you". How fortunate Tonny managed to leave just in the nick of time, I am quite sure she would never have been able to stick it out here, away from you, and under the present conditions.

I face the future full of Faith, and pray daily for strength and that I may see you all at least once again in my life, and that not my will but HIS will be done. We cannot judge what is best for ourselves, everything must rest in HIS hands.

Dear Mies and Toon, if we are not going to be allowed to see one another again, then this and all following letters will bear witness to how I have thought and think of you continuously. I shall keep these letters, then you will find them later, together with my papers, or if possible, they will be sent to you when this war is over.

Now children and dear grand-children, I hope that I will see you soon. I pray for you every day, and live with you in my thoughts.

A hug for everyone, and all the very best,
from your mother and Grandma, who longs to see you.